A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home
The title of a “broken home” is often given to families who have gone through a divorce. This word broken, however, implies that there is only hardship where love still exists. To discuss this, Kate Rose wrote a letter to her children. In it she says that just because they’ve experienced the divorce of their parents, it doesn’t mean their home will be any less loving; or as society likes to call it, broken.
Children of Divorce Do Not Come From a Broken Home
Being a single mother is extremely challenging. One of the most challenging parts about it is being told again and again that the loving home you work so hard to provide your children, is broken.
This letter to her children was, in part, meant to explain to them that they grew up with all of the love that any other family unit has. Theirs just looked a little different than some of their friends’ or from what they see on TV. (1)
A Loving Home Can’t Be Broken
Do families go through struggles and hardships? Of course. Can love solve every problem? No. That being said, the first thing this mom reminds her children is this: to say that their father-less home is broken implies that there is damage. She states:
“You haven’t come from a broken home, because there isn’t anything damaged about my love for you.” (1)
She then goes on to tell them that it wasn’t her intention to be a single parent, however staying in a marriage or relationship would not allow her to provide the safe, tranquil, and loving home she wanted for her kids. (1)
Love Is Not Easy
She speaks of what love should and shouldn’t be and wants this to be a guide for her children. Staying in a bad relationship is not something you should do for the sake of others.
“I would never have wanted you to grow up thinking that love was a responsibility, instead of a gift. Because while I didn’t get it right the first time—you just might.” (1)
She then talks about how just because she got a divorce doesn’t mean that true love doesn’t exist and that divorce is inevitable. (1)
She acknowledged that it wasn’t always easy for her kids to have only one parent in the household. Try as she might, she just can’t do everything that two parents can. She knows that sometimes she drops the ball and that they wish there was someone else there to help as well.
It’s perfectly normal for her kids to sometimes get frustrated with her and wish for more. She knows this and wants them to know too. (1)
Single Parents Are Only Human
Single parents work hard to play both roles and do everything for their kids. This mom knows and has accepted, however, that she can’t do it all. She is just one person. What she does know, however, is that she loves her children more than anything else in the world. Single parents, knowing full-well that they can’t possibly do it all, still try to every single day. (1)
Kids Aren’t A Good Reason to Stay in an Unhappy Marriage
She goes on to say that this idea of a divorced home being “broken” implies that if she had sacrificed her mental health and emotional needs and stayed in a marriage that wasn’t working, her kids would be better off. (1)
In reality, kids growing up in a home where the two parents don’t love each other, fight all the time, and there is a constant underlying tension in the house is far worse for their health and happiness than being from a divorced family is.
A single parent who chooses divorce shows their children that they have a choice, that prioritizing their own mental and emotional needs is okay to do, and that you should never stay in a bad situation because you feel “obligated” to. (1)
This mother’s goal is to raise strong, resilient, incredible daughters.
“If I hadn’t followed my heart and decided that I wanted my life to be the greatest example for how to live, then I also wouldn’t be the mother that you truly needed me to be.
How differently would you have grown up if I taught you to ignore your heart?
If I instead taught you the value in keeping your mouth closed just to keep the peace?
You wouldn’t be the type of women who will one day change this world.” (1)
In order to raise women like that, she knew she had to leave her marriage. It wasn’t for lack of trying, or because she didn’t love her kids enough, it was because she had to show her daughters that they are worthy of true, unconditional love, just as she is. (1)
No, a divorced home is not broken. They are filled with love, health, and happiness.
Keep Reading: Toxic Marriages Are More Painful For Kids Than Divorce
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