‘I turned down my mate’s maid of honour offer – she called me selfish and a bad friend’

A woman has been left baffled after her best friend called her ‘selfish’ and a ‘bad friend’ for not agreeing to be her maid of honour – because she doesn’t have time

One woman looking sad while friends look at wedding dresses
The woman doesn’t want the responsibility of being maid of honour (stock photo)

The person you choose to be the maid of honour at your wedding should be one of the most important people in your life, as they have the difficult task of being on hand to support you through the planning process.

At the same time, the person who takes on the role will be expected to dedicate a lot of time to the position, which isn’t always possible and can cause some people to drop out of the role or refuse the offer.

That’s exactly the situation one woman on Reddit has found herself in, after her best friend asked her to be her maid of honour at her upcoming wedding, but said she doesn’t have the “time or energy to commit” to the role.

And although she offered to be a bridesmaid or just attend the wedding as a guest, her friend is so angry at her for being “selfish” and a “bad friend” that she no longer wants her at the ceremony at all.

The bride branded the woman ‘selfish’ (stock photo)


Getty Images)

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In her post, she said: “A little background. I work full time and am the sole caregiver for my husband. He is able to do a lot for himself but there’s also still a lot that falls on me and because of this I’m constantly exhausted and trying to find time and energy to do everything I need to do. My friends know this, although some don’t really understand how time-consuming and exhausting it is because they see him able to do things at gatherings.

“A friend of mine is getting married and asked me to be the maid of honour. I was touched that she asked but told her that while I was thankful for the offer, I couldn’t accept it. I let her know I was still willing to be a bridesmaid or just a guest if she preferred that but that I couldn’t take on the responsibility of being the maid of honour at this time.

“She blew up at me and said I’m being selfish and a bad friend. She also said that ‘everyone’ thinks I’ve been extremely selfish this past year because I don’t hang out with them as much as I used to.

“I gave up on arguing with her and just repeated that I don’t have the time or energy to commit to being maid of honour, she then told me I didn’t need to bother finding the time or energy to even come to the wedding at all.”

The woman then said that her friend group is now split over the matter, as some understand that she has too many commitments to add another one into the mix, but others say she isn’t making enough of an effort.

She added: “Now the entire friend group is split, with some taking her side and saying I’m wrong for not making an effort and others taking my side saying she needs to recognise my other responsibilities. The replacement maid of honour has four kids under the age of six, and the bride and those that agree with her are just using that as more proof that I’m being selfish.

“It’s ended up a huge mess, causing problems with the whole group, and changing how everyone feels about the wedding. I feel horrible and didn’t want any of that to happen. Now the bride is saying I can fix it all if I just agree to be ‘co-maid of honour’, but I still feel like that’s too much for me to take on.”

Commenters on the Reddit post were firmly on the woman’s side, as many of them said being a maid of honour isn’t an obligation, and should only be taken by someone who genuinely wants the role.

One person said: “I’m not sure why you think any of these people are worthy of being your friends. Maid of honour used to be just that – an honour. Now it’s like unpaid labour for a bridezilla.”

While another added: “Holy s**t the entitlement of some people.”

And a third wrote: “You understand that you wouldn’t be able to take this on and made the decision that’s best for you and your family.”

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