A woman asked for advice after her ex-husband sent her a ‘barrage of abuse’ after he learned that she’d be keeping his surname – but she had her reasons and others told her she had every right to keep it
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Some people who get divorced choose to keep their married surname for their own personal reasons. Whether it be just because that’s how they’re well known now, or whether it’s something to do with their work – people that decide to do that have every right to.
One woman took to Mumsnet to complain that her ex-husband had sent her a ‘barrage of abuse’ because she’d told him she was going to be keeping his surname because she’s ‘well-known professionally’. She also explained that she never liked her maiden name anyway, so it made sense to her to keep a name that she preferred – it was nothing to do with having a connection to him still.
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She wrote: “My divorce has recently been finalised after being separated from my ex husband for some time. I received a message this morning from him because he noticed that my married name is still present on my LinkedIn profile.
“I politely responded to let him know that I won’t be changing my surname back to my maiden name and left it at that.
“I’ve received a barrage of abuse in response so I’m wondering, am I being unreasonable?
- We don’t have children, but I’m now known well professionally under my married name.
- The name isn’t particularly unique or uncommon, so I don’t feel it specifically links to him in any way. Also, I’ve moved away since the split so it’s not as if he’s having to see me around and be reminded of it.
- I found the process of changing my name after marriage to be a massive hassle and given the stress involved in the divorce itself, I’d rather not bother with the admin of name changing again.
- I’ve grown to like the name and it just feels like ‘me’. I never liked my maiden name and feel as though a nice surname is the only good thing I got from the marriage.
“I should point out that I’m now in a new relationship, my new partner is well aware of all of this and sees no issue.”
People were confused as to why her ex-husband was so bothered about her keeping the surname.
One wrote: “You get to decide what you’re called. And nobody else! You are not being unreasonable at all!”
Another said: “You can call yourself anything you like, it’s nothing to do with him. Tell him to f*** off.”
“That is the name you have chosen to be known by, none of his business. You could always suggest he changes his name”, one joked.
” I couldn’t wait to get rid of my married name, lol, but each to their own”, a Mumsnetter added.
Another agreed about being known as that particular name professionally, writing: “It’s your name now, he doesn’t get a vote.
“I’d do the same if my husband and I split. My maiden surname was common and bland and I’ve been this name for a long time now, it feels like mine and it’s what I’ve built my career as.”
Would you keep your married name? Let us know in the comments.