- Meet one of the most unhinged despots the world has ever seen.
We recently published Part 2 of our series on weird bans around the world. In it, we mentioned that Turkmenistan’s ex-dictator, Saparmurat Niyazov, banned lip-syncing to music.
But that wasn’t anywhere near the weirdest thing he banned.
Niyazov was the last Communist leader of the central Asian country and continued ruling it as “president” until his death in 2006. Over his two-decade reign, his unlimited power seemed to go a bit to his head.
Here are 10 absolutely insane laws that Niyazov enacted in Turkmenistan — often completely at a whim.
10. He Named Himself the Leader of All Turkmen
A good dictator needs a catchy title. So, after Niyazov was elected president in 1992 in now communism-free Turkmenistan (he was the only approved candidate), he promptly named himself Türkmenba?y.
This humble title translates to “Leader of All Turkmen.”
That wasn’t enough for him, though. In the same year he renamed himself, he also changed the name of a popular western Turkmenian resort town Krasnovodsk to Türkmenba?y.
You know, in his own honor.
9. He Exiled Dogs from the Capital and Restricted Dog Ownership
Ol’ Türkmenba?y was clearly not a dog person. In 2003, he banned all dogs from the capital city of Ashgabat.
That’s because he was worried that their “unappealing odor” would block the smell of a local flower — that he named after himself.
He restricted pet ownership in the capital in general. No livestock was allowed to enter the city, and residents could only keep one cat or a decorative bird.
8. He Banned Wearing Makeup on Television
In 2004, Niyazov prohibited all TV presenters, news readers, and program hosts from wearing makeup. In his own words, the president-for-life felt that TV personalities should appear as natural as everyone else.
That’s nice that he vouched for natural beauty. Then again, other sources claim that he made the rule because he said he couldn’t whether the presenter was a man or a woman.
That wasn’t the only law concerning broadcasters. They were also forced to start every program by swearing their tongues would shrivel if they insulted the country — or Niyazov
7. He Forbade Talking About Infectious Diseases
Türkmenba?y wanted his fellow Turkmen to be healthy. So, he banned all media outlets from reporting about infectious diseases, from AIDS to cholera and the common cold.
A bit later, he went even further and banned all conversation about disease altogether.
No one can be sick if you’re not allowed to say so, right?
6. He Ordered Everyone in the Capital to Hike Once a Year
In another health-conscious move, Türkmenba?y felt his government ministers were getting too fat. So, he ordered the construction of a 23-mile stretch of concrete stairs.
All government officials, members of parliament, and civil servants were required to hike the “The Walk of Health” at least once a year. Later, that requirement expanded to everyone living in the capital.
Everyone except Niyazov. He would send his officials on their way and take a helicopter ride to the end of the trail, where he’d congratulate the arrivals on their success.
5. He Ordered the Construction of a ‘Palace of Ice’ in the Desert
Turkmenistan is an arid country, consisting mostly of desert. It follows logically that, in 2004, Niyazov decided that his subjects should know how to ski.
So, he ordered the construction of a massive “palace of ice.” The complex was to be large enough to house 1,000 people at one time.
Although Niyazov didn’t live long enough to see it, his dream kind of came true. In 2008, a brand-new skating rink opened in Ashgabat.
4. He Said People Should Chew Bones and Avoid Gold Teeth
For some reason, Niyazov didn’t like gold teeth. Maybe he wanted to hoard more gold to build all the golden statues he constructed over his reign.
What was his alternative solution to getting gold teeth to fix your chompers?
“I watched young dogs when I was young. They were given bones to gnaw,” said Niyazov.
“Those of you whose teeth have fallen out did not gnaw on bones. This is my advice.”
3. He Founded a Holiday for Melons
Türkmenba?y liked melons. And because he, the glorious leader, liked melons, everyone else should like them as well.
To drive his point home, he founded a new holiday. The second Sunday of every August was declared Melon Day.
On this day, citizens of Turkmenistan were to eat melons and reflect on the significance of this “gift of God with a glorious history.”
2. He Closed All Hospitals and Libraries Outside the Capital
For all his bizarre health-related laws, Niyazov sure didn’t want his subjects to have access to healthcare. In March 2005, he ordered every hospital outside the capital city to shut down.
If people were sick, they should just come to Ashgabat where their leader was — up to 620 miles away. Any hospital outside the city was a waste of money in his eyes.
And while he was at it, he gave the same closure order to libraries. His justification?
The average Turkmeni citizen couldn’t read anyway.
1. He Made Sure Everyone Everywhere Read His Autobiography
It’s kind of weird that Niyazov didn’t want his subjects to be literate. How were they supposed to follow the order to read his autobiography on every given occasion?
In 2001, he published his autobiography, Ruhnama (“The Book of Soul”). It was to be placed in every library and school in the country — until he closed them all down.
But that wasn’t all. Prospective government employees and university students had to take a test on their knowledge of the book, and every citizen had to read it every Saturday.
Niyazov ordered the book to be placed next to the Quran in all of the Muslim-majority country’s mosques. If the mosque refused, it was demolished.
Finally, in 2005, Ruhnama was launched into space so its message could “conquer space” in addition to Earth.
***
Well, that was a doozy of a list. Perhaps it’s safe to say Niazov was a bit off his rocker. Yet, he died in 2006 and Turkmenistan is now under much saner leaders.
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