- When that guy over there needs to die in an inventive way, people will always come up with a solution.
Nothing brings out human ingenuity quite like our endless desire to slaughter each other. Some of the most important inventions in human history have begun as military developments.
Today, we’ve brought destruction to the iAge of smart devices and automation. Just press a button and someone somewhere goes boom — without you ever having to see them.
But it’s not like we haven’t always tried to come up with cruel and unusual ways to end each others’ lives. History is brimming with inventive and occasionally really outlandish, yet always deadly, implements.
Here are nine weapons from history that might be primitive, but you still wouldn’t want to be on their receiving end.
9. Lantern Shield
Dueling was the latest craze in Renaissance Italy. But how can you duel after sunset when you can’t even see your opponent?
The duelists’ solution was to attach a hook on their small shields that could hold a lantern. But it didn’t take long for someone to realize that a sharp hook could be a dangerous weapon in itself.
Soon, the arms race kicked off and the lantern shield evolved into a bizarre slab of metal bristling with blades, hooks, barbs, and spikes for skewering your enemy. Clearly, Italian duelists thought offense was the best defense.
8. Chu Ko Nu
Chu Ko Nu is an ancient Chinese repeating crossbow. As potentially the first automatic weapon, you could say it’s a precursor to every machine gun and assault rifle today.
The Chu Ko Nu looks like a regular crossbow with a large wooden box on top of it. The box could hold up to a dozen bolts.
As the bow fired, the next bolt would drop down into the firing mechanism. A skilled crossbowman could achieve fire rates as high as a bolt per second.
7. Urumi
A whip is already nasty, so how do you make it nastier? How about replacing the cords with sheets of metal?
Urumi is a weird Indian hybrid between a sword and a whip. It has one or more sharp, flexible, whip-like blades that the user can flail around.
Using the urumi takes a lot of practice, since you must know both swordsmanship and whip use. But in the hands of a skilled fighter, it can quickly turn its target into mincemeat.
6. Bagh Nakh
Bagh nakh is another ancient Indian weapon. It’s a form of brass knuckles, but much crueler in its execution.
Instead of going over your knuckles, the bagh nakh is held in your palm. This allows the user to use its sharp, tiger-like claws to slash and tear at their opponent.
The bagh nakh may have gotten its origins among Indian assassins. By maiming their target with the weapon, they could disguise the assassination as the work of an enraged tiger.
5. Scythed Chariot
A chariot careering into enemy lines is already terrifying. But what if that chariot also had razor-sharp blades sticking out of it?
Scythed chariots were invented at the time of the Ancient Greeks. They came in many different variations — some had blades sticking out of the wheels while others pushed a man-mower ahead of them.
Chariots disappeared from battlefields long ago because they’re just not very practical. Still, even Leonardo da Vinci was still designing various scythed chariots.
4. Claw of Archimedes
The Claw of Archimedes, also called the iron hand, revolutionized naval warfare. It was a kind of crane with a heavy tip attached to a ship’s bow or a coastal defensive structure.
The operator would release the mechanism when an enemy ship came within the Claw’s range. The fist of iron would then come crashing down on the enemy ship — with predictable results.
There was also another version of the claw that worked the other way around. It would lift the enemy ship up from the water and capsize it.
3. Tsar Tank
The Tsar Tank of the Russian Empire isn’t an outlier on this list. It’s not that ancient nor was it very deadly.
But it sure is bizarre. This tank with ginormous 27-foot-tall front wheels is the tank equivalent of the big-wheeled penny-farthing bicycles.
Needless to say, this ridiculous design wasn’t very effective. Only one Tsar Tank was ever built — and that one got stuck immediately due to its horrible construction.
2. Greek Fire
What is Greek fire? Well, it’s a flamethrower — invented in the sixth century.
And that’s all we know. It was a devastating weapon used by the Byzantine navy, but its exact details have been lost to history.
No one knows anymore how the thing belched flames, but reliable sources describe its use. It would take until World War I before flamethrowers were reinvented, showing how ahead of their time the Byzantines were.
1. Corpses
A corpse isn’t flashy — but it can be deadly. Deceased and diseased animals and people are one of the earliest forms of biological warfare.
Are you sieging a city? Just fling some plague-ridden pigs or soldiers over the wall with a catapult and wait for the disease to do the killing for you.
Don’t got a catapult? No problem — just drop the animal carcasses into the river supplying the city with its drinking water.
The animals might even crush a few defenders as they come flying over the walls. Weaponized corpses show that if humans can use something to kill each other, we will.
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