Day in the life of an undertaker – morbid questions, unusual requests and clothing rule

Walking into the foyer of a funeral firm, I felt a bit nervous about spending an entire day there. Although the Lymn Rose family members and their colleagues are well acquainted with working among the dead – with one co-worker even living in an apartment on-site – I’m more used to dodging the topic of death altogether.

I was there to shadow managing director Matthew Lymn Rose, who follows in the footsteps of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather before him. I admittedly had made sure to nip to the loo beforehand, certain I’d be too frightened to go wandering around on my own.

However, I was surprised by how quickly I became used to the sober surroundings, despite the near-constant fear I’d accidentally wander into an occupied chapel of rest.

Although it’s not somewhere I’d be keen on frequenting after dark, a warm welcome awaited me at A.W. Lymn.

In many ways, it felt like any other close-knit family firm where people chat about their kids, share a laugh, and plan for the Friday night pub quiz. Many have worked there for decades.

The Nottingham firm’s history dates back to 1917, and staff pride themselves on honouring all-important final wishes, whether that be glittery coffins, rosary bead balloon arches, or personalised skywriting.

Matthew has seen his fair share of memorable funerals, from ashes turned into fireworks to red carpets, and is pleased to see how much more personal modern funerals are when compared with his forefathers’ day.

He explained: “We’re offering doves. We’re offering to put people’s ashes into fireworks or to scatter your ashes in the sea. We have horses.

“We wear red ties, we tie Irish-coloured bows. Whatever the family wants, we want to give them because a funeral is an individual thing.”

They’ll rarely reject a request, although Matthew can recall one awkward instance where he had to stop a particularly obscene word being used in a floristry arrangement.

When people first learn of Matthew’s profession, they tend to fall into two distinct camps, viewing him either as a creepy Morticia Addams character or bombarding him with an unhealthy number of questions.

Although the emotional weight of the job can be a “heavy burden”, Matthew finds serving grieving members of his community makes it all worthwhile.

He also takes pride in catering for traveller communities, who often experience discrimination or outright rejection when trying to book funerals.

No two days are the same, however Matthew will generally get to work on his emails at around 7am, then check in with on-site staff.

The site includes a florist, stonemasons, a carpentry workshop plus a garage with the largest funeral fleet of Rolls-Royces in the world, as well as a coffin showroom, and various administrative departments.

Behind the scenes, things move at a much faster pace than the solemn processions associated with such work.

Inside the coffin showroom, I saw coffins being drilled and lined and learned the team had a recent request for a Gucci patterned material to be used.

I wasn’t able to go into the mortuary myself, but I did meet two young, glamorous morticians who came down to the workshop to collect a coffin, one of whom had met their boyfriend during an embalming course.

They both clearly loved their work, and also appreciate getting good feedback from families, admitting they don’t always hear back about the hard work they do to make loved ones look good ahead of burial.

As quipped by one employee, you definitely know if you’ve done something wrong, although such instances are thankfully rare.

Matthew said: “We work hard here, but I would hope that actually behind the scenes there is a light-hearted side to it, and people have to have humour, and the ability to smile.”

The humour is, however, never at the expense of anyone, and they reiterated that care is taken to only hire those who won’t cross the line in this regard.

As managing director, Matthew can’t always get out to funerals as he once did.

Though on the day of my visit, he was putting on his most sombre attire to oversee a family friend’s funeral, donning his top hat and walking cane.

For me, this was a moment where the true nature of the business really hit home.

Everything seemed to go quiet as Matthew wheeled out the waiting coffin and lifted it into the waiting car, bowing with respect before walking gracefully ahead.

Although the firm moves with the times in many ways, Matthew’s funeral clothing is as traditional as those who came before him.

They’ve previously had requests to wear casual clothes during a service, which they’ve had to politely turn down.

A.W. Lymn now has 27 offices across Nottingham and Derbyshire, and Matthew will try and get out to visit a couple in the afternoon.

As a big business, they have the infrastructure to take care of a lot of councils, meaning they can help out families struggling to cover the costs of funeral plans.

They’ve seen this more often in recent times, with the ongoing cost of living crisis taking a toll.

Matthew continued: “We have our own consumer credit license and we loan money to people because we became aware a few years ago there were families that were going to the loan sharks, for want of a better word.”

In the afternoon, Matthew aims to check in with staff again before working on admin, ideally finishing up by 6pm.

Though, unlike many businesses, any work issues can’t simply until the following day, as you can’t simply redo a funeral – so he may work late.

The firm has a rule that rare errors are dealt with immediately. For example, offering a modern car should the vintage one break down.

Considering the attributes he looks for in potential employees, Matthew added: “You need to make someone feel like they trust you. That’s the most important part of what we do.

“People come in here having just lost the most important person in their life.

“They’re going to entrust a stranger to do the last thing they can ever do for someone they love more than anything else in the world. That’s a massive ask.”

The responsibility is enormous, but for Matthew, there’s nothing more important than fulfilling that duty.

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