‘I had an affair to save my marriage, now I’m leaving my husband for my boyfriend’

A woman says she thought an affair would save her marriage, but it soon blew apart as she fell for the new man and left her husband of 18 years to be with him

A woman persuaded to have an affair by her best friend as she was told it would save her marriage has told how it blew it up instead. The woman, who goes by the name Lisa has told how she fell for the new man and left her husband – even though they’d been together for 18 years. Lisa says that initially she had her doubts about the affair but she decided to press on as her marriage was on the rocks.

The couple had been together since school days and the passion had died between them, but the mum-of-two wanted to make it work for their kids. She thought that having the affair would get it out of her system, but instead she fell for the man and left her husband of 18 years to be with him.

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Lisa said: “We both knew each other from school and grew up together in the same town. I hate the word childhood sweethearts, but we’d been dating since we were young.

“We got married young, I look back on it and think how naive I was but it was a great time I have no regrets.

“We got through life like any other married couple and we had two amazing children together, have a nice house, and we have family around us.

“I think the thing is we’re tight on money so haven’t been away or spent any quality time together for a really long time. We go out on walks and things but mostly the children take up all of our time. We don’t have any time for ourselves.

“I don’t know what happened, I just don’t look at my husband the same anymore. I don’t look at him and think, ‘I want to rip your clothes off’.

“I have always felt that way about him and when I realised I didn’t it made me sad. Then the wheels started turning and it ends up being all you think about – little things he does trigger all these thoughts like, ‘do I still love him, is this right, am I the problem’?

“A couple of my friends have had affairs and they really recommended it. My best friend said it helped her let off steam and come to appreciate her husband more.

“She kept saying to me ‘it’s just a harmless fling, no one needs to know’. Didn’t help that another of our friends did the same thing and wouldn’t stop talking about it either.

“They both just said how exciting it was and gave them a new lust for life. Then they started calling me boring for not considering it saying, ‘what’s the harm in just trying it’.”

Lisa’s friends recommended the website Illicit Encounters, which bills itself as ‘the UK’s leading website for married people wanting to have an affair’.

Soon, she found the perfect man and the pair really hit it off – so much so that she’s now leaving her husband.

Lisa continued: “I told him I met someone else and that’s why I want a divorce, but I don’t think he knew about it when it was happening.

“There was one time we had a close call, it was stupid really but he’d text me a picture of our date in the evening and my husband saw the text and caught me gazing and smiling into my phone and asked me what I was looking at and who he was.

“I felt all the blood drain from my face and just said, ‘oh my friend from work just sent me a funny picture’ then I just sort of got up and said I was going to run myself a bath. I have no idea if he knew at that point or not but he never said anything.

“When I told him there was someone else he was just screaming, ‘where did you meet him, when did you meet him, who is he, what is his name’.

“I couldn’t tell him I only met him three months ago when we’ve been together 18 years. I told him I met him through work. I’m never going to tell him it was my so-called friends who made me set up an account on Illicit Encounters.”

After Lisa told her husband she was leaving him for another man, he was in for another blow as she asked for a divorce.

She continued: “He was understandably devastated, shocked and angry at me. When I first told him he just sat there with a blank look on his face and left the room, he didn’t even say anything to me all night.

“I know I was breaking his heart so I kind of wanted him to shout at me. Then the next day he was just overwhelmingly angry. He’s always been quite a softly-spoken person, I’ve never seen him get that angry before.

“After more time had passed he tried to convince me to stay and said we could make things work, he didn’t want me to leave him and the kids, but a part of me just wanted him to hate me – I wanted him to throw me out so it would make it easier to leave.

“When I chatted to my now boyfriend he just seemed different. He made me feel at ease, making jokes and telling me about his background and his amazing dog who I instantly fell in love with.

“He had been married for a similar amount of time to me and my husband so we instantly connected on that as well, we were having the same feelings in our marriages.

“I am worried if I’ve made the right decision as I can’t turn back now. We’re still all living in the same house while we work things out but my children have barely spoken to me in over a week since I told them.

“I’m desperate for them to forgive me. I hope they will grow up to understand why I followed my heart.

“It’s been absolute hell on earth all living under the same roof after telling them the news. I feel like I can’t even get something out the fridge without their disappointed eyes on me.

“But I have to remember why I am doing this – these last three months have shown me something I haven’t seen all the time I’ve been with my husband and I never knew it was something I was missing.

“I would have never been the wiser. I feel like my eyes have been opened and I couldn’t continue with all the lies and secrecy I just had to tell them all, even if that meant them hating me.”

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