‘I hate my engagement ring – my fiancé says I’m ungrateful but it’s so ugly’

A woman has been left fuming with her fiancé after he proposed with a ring that was exactly what she didn’t want – and said she was ‘ungrateful’ for disliking it

Choosing an engagement ring is a big decision, and although the person buying the ring traditionally has the final say in which one they pick, it’s becoming more common for couples to shop for the perfect ring together so they can find something they both like.

But one woman has been left fuming after her boyfriend took matters into his own hands when he proposed to her because he bought a ring that was “exactly what she didn’t want” – and then called her “ungrateful” for disliking it.

The woman explained she works as a goldsmith at an independent jeweller and has seen enough engagement rings in her profession to know what she likes and dislikes in the sentimental jewellery items.

She claimed that she and her fiancé had discussed marriage “at length” and had talked about engagement rings, with the woman telling her partner she would love to make her own ring so that she can style it in the way she wants while also saving money in the process.

But when the bloke got down on one knee on New Year’s Eve, he pulled out a ring that left the woman seething – as it was everything she didn’t want her ring to be.

In a post on Reddit, she said: “My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. We have discussed marriage at length and during these conversations, I have said that when it comes to engagement rings, because of my job, I know exactly what I want.

“We also talked about how I want to make it because then I know it is exactly what I want and is also handcrafted and not a cast mount (this is how most rings are made these days, which is fine for most people).

“It would also be substantially cheaper for me to make it compared to buying one from a jeweller, so I could also have more ring for less money. As this is my literal job he agreed and said it wasn’t traditional but sounded romantic at the same time.

“On New Year’s Eve, he proposed. I was delighted and said yes. Then he pulled out a ring. I could tell it wasn’t a cheap placeholder ring to wear whilst I made the real thing.

“It’s also exactly what I didn’t want, a solitaire round diamond on a cast white gold band. If that’s your style, great! But I’ve made enough of them over the years to know it’s everything I didn’t want.”

The woman was disappointed with her ring so asked her fiancé why he bought one after they agreed she would make it herself, and he told her it was “traditional” for the man to buy the ring.

He also told her she “should be happy” he bought her a ring and branded her “ungrateful” for not liking the one he had picked out, but she hit back that if she’s the one wearing it, she should have a say in how it looks.

She added: “I didn’t say anything on the night obviously, but the next day I sat him down and asked him why he bought it when we had agreed on me making it. He said it was traditional for the man to get the ring and that I should be happy he got me one. He’s also spent 4x what it would have cost me to make it.

“I told him, whilst I appreciate him wanting to be romantic and get me a ring, this isn’t what I wanted, the cost is disproportionate and we should look at returning it and having me make another ring. He called me ungrateful and I should just be glad he got me a ring and that I would learn to like it.

“If I’m the one wearing it, I need to like it. This is something I tell every person I do a ring commission for, and he knows this. He’s agreed to return it and let me source the materials and stones to make up the ring, but he’s really not happy.”

Commenters on the post were largely on the woman’s side, with many saying her partner “completely disregarded” her feelings toward her engagement ring.

One person said: “You were very clear upfront about what you wanted and he completely disregarded that. Also, ‘you’ll learn to like it’ is not a phrase I would want to hear about my engagement ring.”

While another wrote: “You had a discussion and an agreement. He disregarded all that and did what he wanted anyway. Then he doubled down and defended what he did.”

And a third added: “You couldn’t have been more clear, or for it to be more obvious that you should make your own ring. I’d be concerned over his inability to not just see that, but that he takes offence to you knowing exactly what you want.”

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