It’s OK to Lose Yourself in Cute Cat Videos When You Need Them

As I write this, I’m allowing myself to absolutely binge on social media. I’m in the middle of moving house, and it’s been stressful. To unwind, I’ve given myself permission to watch as many stupid short videos as I want for one week. My apps spoon-feed me clips of dogs who are too dumb to stay out of trouble and cats being passive-aggressive. At the end of a 45-minute binge, I’ve had two or three good belly laughs and my heart rate has gone down. But I also feel like I’ve numbed my brain. I put the phone down and say to myself, “No more of this once the move is done.”

Sadly, I’ve moved house enough to know that making grand promises about what will be different once I’m settled in a new place is ridiculous. I am who I am, and it’s not going to change on some arbitrary date. It’s the same reason New Year’s resolutions don’t typically stick. That said, sometimes putting off making a change is just procrastination. How many parents out there are waiting to do something differently as soon as the kids go back to school? We delay hoping the conditions will be different, but ultimately we are who we are and the conditions only matter so much.

Conversely, there is something to be said for making slow, incremental, consistent changes despite whatever else is happening. That’s where I’m getting in my relationship with social media. I’m thinking about what I want it to be today rather than some date in the future. And given how central social media is to many people, especially young people, it seems too important to push off until later.

A summary and warning from the US Office of the Surgeon General called social media use “universal(Opens in a new window)” among young people. According to a survey by Boston Children’s Digital Wellness Lab(Opens in a new window), 57% of adolescents say they feel the amount of time they spend on social media is either a little too much or way too much.

A 2021 paper found that people were more likely to regret using social media when they got sidetracked from their original intent

For young people, the problem isn’t necessarily the amount of time they spend but what’s happening during that time. According to the same Boston Children’s survey, almost half (46%) of teens said social media made their body image worse and about a third said it made them feel worse about their grades in school.

Adults with a fully formed frontal cortex aren’t as susceptible to the same pains that young people face. The risk to adults likely has more to do with whether we’re spending our time mindfully or mindlessly. 

A 2021 paper(Opens in a new window) found that people were more likely to regret using social media when they got sidetracked from their original intent, such as opening an app to message a friend but going down a rabbit hole of suggested content. One trick I use to prevent getting distracted is to look at Instagram and previously Twitter (which I’ve quit and which is now called X) on a mobile browser rather than in the app because it’s slower, has fewer features, and quite frankly doesn’t work as well. As a result, it’s much easier not to get sucked in and put the phone down when I’m done with it. During my binge, I threw that trick out the window and loaded the real apps on my phone again, which absolutely have a stronger pull on my attention than the browser versions.

The Baby and the Bathwater

No one at the Surgeon General’s office is saying that teens or anyone else should give up social media entirely. People certainly benefit from feeling connected to others and from simply enjoying videos of farts caught on thermal imaging cameras(Opens in a new window). (Is it real? I don’t know, but it’s delightful.)

Even among teenagers, about half in the Boston survey said social media improved their friendships, and close to 80% reported feeling more socially connected because of it. The nut is in figuring out how to reap the positive effects while minimizing the negative ones. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Having a relationship with social media is a habit and lifestyle issue, like managing your diet or money or anything else that’s ever-present in our lives. Unlike participating in the economy and feeding yourself, using social media is something you could technically cut out of your life entirely, though going cold turkey is unrealistic for most of us. Instead, we each have to figure out how to live with it in a way that’s healthy and happy.

After my weeklong social media binge (OK, it was more like two weeks in the end), I didn’t have much trouble counterbalancing it with a week spent largely offline. I had planned to take some time off work, see family, and get out into nature. So I logged out of Mastodon and deleted Instagram from my phone and then I kayaked in Lake Champlain, hiked over pink granite boulders along the coast of Maine, and cooed at my new baby nephew.

While I think we all should spend some time working on our relationship with social media, it helps to keep in mind that it is just that: a relationship. Relationships are ongoing. They’re not always perfect. We have good days and bad days and go through rough patches.

Reflection, Not Rules

If you’ve ever struggled with your relationship with food, money, or anything else, you know that you don’t just make rules for what you will and won’t do and call it a day. It takes self-awareness and reflection, not to mention being open to changing the rules at any time if they aren’t serving you. It also takes forgiveness when you slip up and a positive attitude to get back on track quickly.

Sure, sometimes I spend more time watching pressure-washing videos on YouTube than I’d like, but sometimes I also eat things I wish I hadn’t or spend money on something I instantly regret. It’s not the end of the world. As long as it doesn’t impede me from living a happy and healthy life overall, I can forgive myself and move on.

Even in light of the Surgeon General’s warning, I hope more people adopt an attitude about social media to see it as an ongoing relationship, with ample opportunities for self-forgiveness. I know I couldn’t make it through the rest of summer without it.