Mum fumes as in-laws insist she adopts family’s bedtime – but they stay up past 3am

The woman was shocked when her partner blasted her ‘rude’ behaviour, arguing she should not have gone to bed until the rest of the family also decided that they wanted to retire

When you’re a guest in someone else’s house, you expect to follow rules you might not enforce in your own home. Whether that is taking your shoes off by the door, or not putting your feet up on the furniture, most of us are only too happy to make small changes to keep the host happy.

However, one woman was left shocked by her host’s expectations and their reaction to her so-called “rude” behaviour when she did not meet them. The problem arose during a visit to her partner ‘s family home, during a weekend spent with her other half and his mother.

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Tired after a long evening of socialising, she excused herself to go to bed at 3am. But her two companions blasted the decision, with her partner later telling her she was expected to stay up however long her hosts wanted to.

However, she did not accept his reasoning, instead believing her partner and his mum were in the wrong. Keen to know if others thought the same, she took to Mumsnet to ask for advice.

Posting to the parenting forum, the woman wrote: “So I’m spending the weekend at my DP’s house, we were all up late talking in the kitchen. DP was having a conversation with their DM at the table whilst I was on the sofa on my phone feeling pretty tired. I then got up and went to give DP a goodnight kiss and said I was going to bed. (At 3am)

“DP comes to bed 10 minutes later saying that it was rude of me to just come to bed and said that their DM thought so too. DP said that I should be expected to stay up until whatever time they decide to go to bed, as it’s ‘rude to just take yourself off to bed’.”

She then asked: “AIBU (Am I being unreasonable?) to think that I am not being rude and that actually to keep someone up until you’re all ready for bed is in itself rude and strange behaviour?”

And people were quick to take the woman’s side. “He’s being ridiculous,” read one comment.

Another person wrote: “If you’d gone up at 9pm I might see their point. So few adults would go to bed at 9pm that it would look like you prefer spending the hours before bed alone in your room, rather than socialising with them. By 3am, it’s fairly obvious that all you’re going up there to do is sleep.”

But someone thought the woman would not have been in the wrong, even if she left the group earlier.

“If a family guest is tired or even just peopled out at 9pm, then I don’t see the problem in them excusing themselves,” they wrote.

Some commenters questioned if the family took offence to the way the woman said goodnight rather than the act of leaving, but she clarified her departure was the main problem.

One of her comments said: “Apparently it’s more rude bcos I’ve come up to their bed as they don’t have a guest room.”

She added: “Also DP said if they ‘were in my house with my family late at night, they would never dream of standing up and only addressing me and say goodnight and go upstairs bcos it would be rude to just excuse thereself and go up to my bed in my mums house, and said that it would feel as though they were treating it as their house.”

And a later reply read: “Apparently it partly matters that I didn’t say night to DP’s mum but mainly it’s that they think it’s rude to take yourself off to bed when you’re tired. And that they wouldn’t do it in my house and would stay up all night if needed.”

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