Mum worried she’ll be ‘outcast’ if she doesn’t invite daughter’s whole class to party

A woman was left concerned after realising that other children in her daughter’s class at school had invited the whole class to birthday parties – but she said it would cost around £500

Sometimes, it can feel like school gate shenanigans can get really political, and that’s why one mother was fearful she’d be left as an ‘outcast’ for not following a trend that the rest of the parents had at her daughter’s school.

She took to Mumsnet to explain that since her daughter had started primary school there had been a WhatsApp group so the parents could keep in touch with each other. The mum started to get concerned, however, when she saw other parents sending party invitations out via the group, and there were ’30 or more children in her class’.

The mum said she was left ‘anxious’ and felt ‘stuck’ because she wanted to stick to the ‘traditional’ method of inviting her daughter’s friends through paper invites so the whole class didn’t need to be present, as the cost would be high.

She wrote: “So basically, since my daughter has started primary school, we have had a reception WhatsApp group. There are 30 or more in her class.

“It all started when one parent sent a birthday invitation via the WhatsApp group so basically inviting the whole class!

“This has followed since so there’s been four parties since September that have all been sent via the WhatsApp group. It’s like a trend! One of the parties was joint with two kids.

“Now it’s my daughter’s birthday coming up and I’m really anxious. I don’t think I can afford to invite the whole class but it looks like I’m the next one with a child’s birthday coming up so now I feel stuck.

“Do I not invite the whole class and just stick to traditional invites handed out at school in bookbags? I’m worried I’ll be outcast for it

“I’ve honestly priced up birthday venues that she’s asked for and it’s near enough £500 for 30-35 kids.”

Other parents flocked to the comments section to reassure the mum that it would be fine if her daughter didn’t have the whole class at the party.

One wrote: “Just invite a few friends. No need for the whole class to be invited.”

Another reassured her: “You won’t be outcast. In my experience parties are either the whole class or a select few (so kids your daughter is actually friends with!).

“People get p***** off when every boy but one is invited or everyone except for one or two children, which is understandable really. A small party is fine- we’ve never done a massive party for either of ours and no sign of being an outcast as yet!”

Someone said that under ten kids would be fine, and another mum commented: “Small party is fine – I bet other parents will breathe a sigh of relief if you do it! My rule of thumb is you invite everyone or you invite fewer than half the class. The problem is when just one or a handful of kids get left out!”

A Mumsnetter reassured the original poster, sharing her own experience to make her feel better. She wrote: “Please don’t stress about this. It’s such a mixture and people will be relieved that you are giving them permission to do the same!

“For what it’s worth, my son had a whole class party (September birthday) and since there have been two others, and a few other kids who have done either nothing or invited a few friends. No one cares. Everyone wished all the kids a happy birthday!

“My daughter, for balance, is two years older and is having six friends round for supermarket pizza and cake. She is also not invited to the bday sleepover of one of the six girls coming to her ‘party’. Guess what? No one cares!

“We all do/can afford different things at different times for different reasons. Let’s teach our kids to wish everyone a happy birthday and to remember that happy events shouldn’t make us have anxious feelings!”

What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.