‘My baby name regret is ruining my life – I feel like my son has no identity’

The mum is heartbroken as she feels like she’s made a huge mistake with her son’s name and can’t get past the feelings of regret – others like the moniker

There is huge pressure getting the right name for your new baby. Everyone seems to have an opinion and they never seem shy about sharing their views.

It’s a dilemma facing a mum who is tearing herself apart with worry. She thinks she has chosen the wrong name for her son and is plagued with guilt because she fears it will impact on his future.

No amount of reassuring will tell her otherwise. Her obvious distress is affecting and her appeal for support on Netmums was met with universal concern and sympathy, and some wise words.

She said: “I have a wonderful 15-month-old boy and hate myself for not being original with his name and not allowing him to start life with his own identity.

“My partner and I were stuck with names while I was pregnant. I wanted a biblical name or a very strong stand out name, but he was worried about our son’s future when it came to job prospects.

“We eventually decided to name the baby after ourselves, seeing as he was a long-awaited baby and is our whole world and the missing piece to our lives. So we gave him my surname as a first name and a combination of our first names as a middle name. He has my partners surname.”

It’s a wonderful way of naming a baby, and she was initially happy with it, but others soon barged in with their own opinions, and it has made her uncertain.

“The name felt right and fitted as soon as he was born. When it came to registering him, the responses I had received from others up until this point were less than positive.

“I felt weird declaring his name at the registration appointment, but felt I had to be head strong because we had our reasons behind the names; although they are pretty meaningless on their own.”

Soon self-doubt – crippling at the best of times, even more so in the post-partum period, crept in – and she decided she wanted to change her son’s name.

“I begged my partner to change the name. He and our family said it was too late by three months and that any changes would be selfish because our son would already know his name.”

It is a reasonable argument and one she tries to appreciate, but 12 months on she can’t rid herself of the niggling feeling she gave her son the wrong name.

“I feel so depressed and feel that I have let my beautiful son down by being lazy with the name choice, which has no other meaning than being his parents names. At the moment, I cannot even look at him without wanting to burst into tears and feel so guilty. I feel that I’ve set him up for a mediocre life of confusion without his own identity.”

“I know that there are much more important things going on in the world and that I’m lucky to have a beautiful, healthy, loving and intelligent son, but I can no longer stand the feeling that I have let him down with the name choice.”

The mistake is having a huge impact on the mum, as she continued: “This is ruining my life. I wake up with anxiety every morning and have been unable to go to work for the last week. It’s also ruining my partner’s and my son’s life because I’m always depressed and do not want to leave the house.

“Everyone keeps telling me that he’ll have his own identity no matter what his name is, but I cannot shake this feeling and just want some reassurance from someone that has possibly been through this that it will all be ok.”

Her post really pulled on the heartstrings and many comments both reassured and hopefully comforted her. But many more implored her to get some mental health support.

“I think that he will LOVE his name, it has so much meaning, he will be honoured that you didn’t just pick up a baby name book, think, ‘yeah, that one’s alright lets have that one’. You thought, you cared, you chose for your reasoning,” one person wrote.

Another urged her to keep the name: “I don’t think it’s fair to change his name so late, he will be so confused. I think it’s incredibly meaningful he has your first name. Children don’t care what their names are as they don’t know any different. The name he has is way more meaningful then simply picking one out of a book and I’m sure he’ll be proud to have been given your last name.

“He’ll be his own person no matter what. I’d go to a doctor and describe your feeling because they aren’t normal or only based on a name I think. I have post natal depression and it sounds similar to how I was feeling. Go to a doctor and you may need anti-depressants or counselling to move on.”

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