‘My boyfriend invited his ex to our anniversary dinner – I’m furious’

A woman has turned to the internet for advice on her relationship, listing all the bizarre things her boyfriend had done during their six and a half years together – including always bringing up his ex in conversation

When you’re in a relationship, usually you don’t bring up your ex-partners very often to your new one – it’s not really a topic of conversation you want to go into regularly. Another thing that would likely be considered unusual is inviting an ex to your anniversary dinner with your new partner. However, one woman claimed this is exactly what happened to her, with her current boyfriend constantly bringing up his ex-girlfriend – and even inviting her out with them.

She took to Mumsnet to express that she was fed up with her boyfriend constantly reminiscing about his previous partner, and she explained he invited her out for their one-year anniversary and completely ignored her throughout the meal.

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She wrote: “I don’t know where to start other than am I being unreasonable for being p***** off at my boyfriend for bringing up his ex-girlfriend constantly but especially during a reminiscing moment about our relationship and our ‘song’?

“For context, we got together and he told me about his ex-girlfriend straight away that they had been broken up for two years but were good friends and I would need to be ok with that. I said sure. She’s a lovely person.

“In the beginning, she was always there, big group so it didn’t really matter, but at lunch work social she was there (they worked together for the first year of us).

“On our one-year anniversary, he brought her to our dinner, spoke to her the whole time, (Was supposed to cook me a special dish for lunch – which he forgot about) then at dinner with his ex (just the three of us – he invited her) he ordered said meal. Also on the same day bought a red bike helmet new and said oh ex-girlfriend would like this.

“Not a card or text message or anything for me. It was too much for me I got up and walked out, and they ‘both’ followed me!! She did not get the hint to go away at this point. I literally had to say it’s not you, it’s him to her, and live the embarrassment of the situation (that’s a short version).

“Move on and some would think this would be it for them, it very nearly was, however, I got over it and we carried on lots of little things happened over the next two years but I just thought it was me, and moved past them. Nothing was ever sexual or disrespectful to me but an air of togetherness still remained with them.

“We move in together…have now been together longer than they were together in the first place and it’s now been six and a half years. I want to get married (both divorced) and he doesn’t – I’ve accepted that.. but he bought me a ring and said he wanted it to be just between he and I because everyone he has bought a ring for, it has finished.

“We were with our group which included ex-girlfriend when they saw the ring and all the girls got excited and were making a fuss, I said no it’s just a gift (it’s a diamond but think flowers rather than one big stone) and the ex-girlfriend’s sister came up and grabbed my hand and then threw it down and didn’t say anything but rushed over to her sister, who took a while but came over and also took my hand (ring is on ‘that’ finger) I again said it’s just a gift she said oh it’s really nice BUT got really p***** (not directly at me but in the room – we were at a house party) she started arguing with people and getting louder and louder so I said to my boyfriend let’s go – she came running out and tried to follow us to the car shouting wait I’ll come with you. I told him in no uncertain terms ‘no! she’s not joining us I want to go.’ He said ok and we left. It was a strained car journey home.

“At first I was like I feel for her as she must have loved him but it didn’t work out, so she was jealous and quite frankly the more love we have in the world the better for us all, so I really tried to just come to terms with her behaviour but then it played on my mind and it started to p*** me off (she is also in a relationship of four and a half years now) so I thought..’You were with him for 4 years split up for two when he and I met it’s now 6.5 years after that you have your own boyfriend and you still react that way! You’re disrespecting me!’ so I get a bad feeling in my stomach and just kept my distance.

“I told my boyfriend how I feel and he tried to be supportive of her telling me she ‘got a ring’ and it didn’t work out!! AND?? Are we, not way past that now!? Clearly not.

“So roll on a few months (I’ve tried to not go out when she’s there) no bad feelings really just my feelings have changed towards her and I need to work them out but for now, I don’t want to be around her.

“So last night we were watching a band’s documentary when I said this is our song, he said what? I said remember in X place when we first got together it was always playing and he said oh yeah.. but no real emotion about it.. (we’ve mentioned this song before) but clearly he doesn’t feel the same. (No other song was given as ‘this’ is our song – nothing).

“Anyway said band are playing in our city next year and he said we should go, I said yes I tried for tickets etc but couldn’t get through, he said no we’ll go VIP, we were laughing and having a really happy conversation (albeit he wasn’t feeling the ‘our song vibe’.) then another song came on and we were singing it and he said ‘ex-girlfriend would love this’. It just punched me in the gut!

“I looked at him with disbelief and said SHUT UP just stop f****** talking! What? We’re having a conversation about our song’ reminiscing about good times and in the middle of that, you say ‘ex-girkfriend would love it! and he said promptly I’m going to bed I’m not dealing with this.

“Now remember I’ve only ever said anything TWICE in six and a half years, once on our first anniversary.. and once when she flipped out about the ring. Never in all the other times there have been similar circumstances have I said anything.

“So what would you do? I spent the night in the spare room crying painful tears and I never cry. I just feel saddened.”

People immediately defended the woman and wondered why she was still in a relationship with the man when he was being manipulative.

One wrote: “What on Earth has caused you to persist in this relationship?! Talk about early warning signs. You’re being unreasonable to yourself! End it and perhaps spend some time figuring out why you thought any of this was acceptable.”

Another said: “I agree, why on Earth have you stayed with him? This should have ended after the ludicrous first anniversary. It’s absolutely shocking that either of them expects you to put up with this, and madness that you have done so. You should 100% leave him.”

Someone accused the man of playing the women against each other writing: “He’s playing you off each other and loving it. But it also means he’s being an a***hole to you both. And she’s either an a***hole or incredibly insensitive tagging along on your dates and anniversaries.

“I think you should end it today. NOW. But don’t be surprised if they get back together again by the end of the week.

“Sorry, but you really do deserve much better than this. This is not acceptable behaviour from either of them and you should stop accepting it.”

One Mumsnetter added: “He’s massively disrespectful. She’s obviously always on his mind.”

Another fumed: “Don’t be sad. Get angry with this a***hole. But also be glad that you’ll move on from this horrible ‘pick me’ situation he’s put you in. Your future will be so much happier without him. And her!”

What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.