‘My boyfriend’s dad told me off for talking at dinner – so I just walked out’

If you were told to monitor your behaviour in front of your boyfriend’s family, you’d probably feel humiliated and annoyed – one woman was so angered that she chose to walk out

A woman was left flabbergasted after she attended a dinner with her boyfriend’s family – but was told to be quiet by her boyfriend’s dad, despite the fact it was the first time they’d met. This left a bitter taste in her mouth, and she felt forced out of the situation and left as a result.

She took to Reddit’s ‘Am I the a**hole’ forum to vent about the way she’d been treated by her boyfriend’s family. She explained that before the meal they were ‘lovely and talkative’, but as soon as they said a prayer before they ate, they turned into different people. The woman stated that the prayer ‘wasn’t a cultural thing’, but she was made to feel incredibly guilty for how she behaved.

She wrote: “Am I the a**hole for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner?

“My (F21) boyfriend (M24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (Mum, dad, and his 16yr old brother.) Never met them prior to that. The only thing I knew about them is that they’re conservative and Christian but lovely people.

“And they were. I got along really well with them, before dinner. They were lovely and talkative. When it was time for dinner, my boyfriend’s dad wanted to pray. After praying he said, something along the lines of ‘let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.’ This is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. My understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. I wouldn’t say it’s a cultural thing, though.

“I dug in, and took a bite. It was fish soup. Absolutely delicious. And like a good guest I wanted to compliment the cook. ‘This is delicious – is it saffron? A perfect autumn soup!’ My boyfriend’s brother looked surprised. My boyfriend’s father hushed me. Big time. A really aggressive SHHH with a finger over his lips. And then he said, again, ‘Let the food keep us quiet’.

“I aplogised because I thought I had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. But a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. Super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. My boyfriend was also unusually quiet.

“After a few minutes, I was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. And his mother did the hush thing? So awkward. I think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. Let the food keep us quiet. Really quiet. But this was a super awkward situation, and I couldn’t deal with that. Imagine sitting at a table with five people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious.

“So I laughed, it just slipped out. Ended up being told off by boyfriend’s parents that I was being disrespectful etc. and if I didn’t respect how their household worked I could eat alone in the kitchen. (We were eating in like a separate dining room.) So I thanked them for the food and left to go to the hotel me and my boyfriend were staying at.

“My boyfriend later told me that was an a**hole move, that I should’ve just kept quiet, or eaten alone in the kitchen. I understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Was I being an a**hole though?”

People were shocked that her boyfriend hadn’t given her a proper warning about what dining with his family would be like, and they were also mortified that his family didn’t give her any allowances, knowing it was their first time meeting properly.

One wrote: “He could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner. Also, you are not a three-year-old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone.”

Another commented: “I agree. A heads would have been awesome. Because that’s just some weird s***. I was feeling awkward and uncomfortable just thinking about being in that position lol.”

Someone fumed: “They just behaved so rudely. If these are their rules, they can tell it to the original poster in a nice way and not just repeat the sentence again in a way you talk to misbehaved kids and then shush her.”

One Redditor spoke about their experience living in a monastery but said the experience wasn’t applicable to a dinner with her boyfriend’s parents. They commented: “I once lived in an actual monastery. We actually had meals in silence every week and I really enjoyed them but 1) everyone knew beforehand it was a silent meal 2) we were in an actual monastery and it wasn’t even every meal and 3) there always was music playing during the meal.

“I even did a full week in silence once (like 24 hours a day except singing in church), it was one of the most beautiful and religious experiences of my life. But it was 100% my decision if and when I wanted to do that and I was prepared for it going in.

“That experience definitely wasn’t for everyone, a lot of people in that monastery never did it, and some who did try had to stop earlier because it became too intense for them, and that was also okay.”

Someone else said that his parents should’ve explained their customs beforehand to give more context to the situation, writing: “His parents could have easily explained their strange behavior even if your boyfriend didn’t. Instead of shushing her like a child a quick ‘, we observe silence during dinner. Sorry if that wasn’t clear’ could have gone a long way in diffusing the situation.”

What would you have done in that situation? Let us know in the comments.