‘My daughter and her boyfriend make me feel like my house is a pitstop – I feel used’

Many parents expect their kids and their partners to make an effort when they’re staying under their roof, so one mum was gutted when her daughter didn’t afford her that courtesy

One mum was left feeling ‘used’ after her daughter and her boyfriend weren’t socialising as much as she wanted them to whilst they were in her house. She noted that they were barely coming out of her room and when they went downstairs for a meal, they went out straight after.

The concerned mother took to Mumsnet to ask what other people thought of the situation, as she wanted to know whether the behaviour was ‘acceptable’ or not. She described her daughter and her boyfriend as ‘nice kids’ but she felt ‘hurt’ as she wanted them to spend more time with her whilst under her roof.

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The concerned mum wrote: “Am I being unreasonable to think my daughter and her boyfriend should emerge from her room occasionally? They’re students and when they’re here during the holidays, we literally only see them if they are getting food or on their way out.

“We have had one meal together (at my insistence) but they went out straight after that. I’m beginning to feel resentful that they’re closeted in her room the whole time – it seems kind of blatant. And I feel used as a kitchen pitstop. And I am quite hurt that they don’t choose to spend more time with us.

“This is new territory for me. I get the excitement of first love etc but is this behaviour acceptable? What should my tolerance levels be? They are nice kids but she can be very selfish at times and I’m not sure if this is one of those times or if she’s just doing what teenagers do. Please advise! I may well be being unreasonable.”

Other parents were quick to point out that they’re just behaving as most teenagers do, and that it’s nothing personal.

One wrote: “They’re going to be finding time together far more interesting than time with you, don’t take it personally. Many teens don’t enjoy hanging out with their parents that’s doubled when the boyfriend is round.”

Another said: “How much time did you want to spend with your parents as a teenager with a boyfriend and a life to be getting on with? It’s normal.”

One Mumsnetter offered some advice, suggesting she try to actively involve them more, commenting: “I would go to the room, knock on the door and tell them that I’m arranging a family meal and they’re invited.

“Then during the meal, I’d bring up that they can pick an evening the next week and the two of them can make dinner for everyone. That said, my children wouldn’t think this odd as they cook anyway and as we eat together as much as we can as family mealtimes are very important to me.”

Someone said they didn’t believe it was unusual behaviour when they wrote: “I think what you describe is fairly typical. It’s understandable that you feel upset and disappointed but yeah, typical, unfortunately.”

Another mum commented disagreeing though: “People seem to expect very little from young adults these days. He’s a guest in your house. He should of course be interacting with you, eating meals with you and so on.”

Do you think the teens were being unreasonable? Let us know in the comments.