‘My ex’s wife is sick and he wants me to take their kid for Christmas – I refuse’

A woman has caused a stir online after admitting that she doesn’t want to have her ex’s child over for Christmas, despite the little girl’s mother being very sick

When your ex-husband has children with another woman, it can spark all sorts of feelings and resentments, especially if the two of you also share your own little one.

One parent clearly has quite strong feelings about her former partner and the daughter he has with his new wife – despite the pair not having been together for the last seven years. The unnamed woman caused a stir online when she shared her story, explaining that she had refused to look after her ex’s five-year-old little girl on Christmas Day.

She asked people if they thought she was in the wrong for not wanting to have her child’s half-sibling over for the holidays as she and her own guests were “uncomfortable” with the idea of the girl joining in their festive traditions.

The post on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum has completely divided fellow users, as the woman claims that the reason her ex wants her to look after the child is because his new wife is very sick and has recently started cancer treatment.

She tells how the dad wants his daughter to have a proper Christmas celebration, as they won’t be able to give her one this year. He thought the youngster would have a nice time “bonding” with her big sister.

However, the ex-wife doesn’t agree and doesn’t want this to happen.

She wrote: “My ex-husband and I got divorced 7 years ago. We share custody of our 13-year-old daughter. He got married and has a 5-year-old daughter with his now wife. His daughter would spend time with my daughter regularly. They adore each other but she doesn’t come to my house and they rarely meet up there.

“His wife has been diagnosed with cancer and has started treatment recently. The other day he came to drop our daughter off and asked to speak to me. He talked about his wife’s circumstances and then how his family won’t be able to have a Christmas celebration this year. He said it wasn’t fair for his daughter and asked if I could ‘include’ her in my family’s celebration.

“He pointed out how the girls will have a great time together bonding and making memories, but I said I was sorry but my family’s traditional celebration is a sacred thing and I do not feel comfortable including anyone else. Plus it’d be awkward having her in my home.”

She continued: “He said that his daughter may not be family to me but she sure is to her half-sister. He asked me to stop and ‘think’ about what’s best for the kids here. I suggested he take his daughter to spend Christmas with her grandparents (he said his parents and him are no contact) and tried to cut the conversation short but he stopped me and started going on about how cruel it was for me to decline to include his daughter who’s already having a hard time adjusting.

“I saw that he was beginning to cry so I stepped back and said I was no longer feeling comfortable having this conversation. I asked him to leave and he did but still texted me asking me to agree to let his daughter come spend Christmas even offered that he stays away if that’ll make me less uncomfortable, I said no and now he’s calling me selfish and unfeeling.”

More than 8,000 people have since responded to the post, with many unsure as to who is in the right. Some agreed the ex-wife was being cruel, while others thought the little girl should be spending as much time with her actual mother as possible.

One person said: “That child doesn’t know you or your extended family, only your daughter. This could be her last Christmas with her mom [sic] and he’s wanting to take that away from her. Even if it’s just the three of them in pajamas eating cookies all day. He’s the a**hole.

“Totally aware that it may not be possible for the mother and child to physically be together on Christmas due to treatment. But, that still doesn’t change the fact that there has to be much better alternatives to trying to force the child at the ex’s place. Even if he doesn’t speak to his own family what about the mother’s? They could all spend that time together. If they aren’t around what about having even asked for a compromise to have the 13yr old a couple hours for their own gift exchange, cuddles, and cocoa?”

Another thought: “What’s the harm in letting her in, how would she destroy your family traditions or whatever you worry about? I just feel for that poor girl who has a mother she might lose soon and a father that can’t cope.”

While a third replied: “As someone who is going to be in treatment over Christmas – mom [sic] might be in the hospital, hooked up to chemo or radiation and may be literally radioactive and not allowed near children (I won’t be during my brachytherapy sessions) or very seriously ill – not in a cuddle and eat cookies all day kinda situation.”

Someone else added: “You’re well within your rights to refuse. You don’t owe your spouse anything. It’s your holiday and you can celebrate it however you want. BUT you are still the a**hole here. This child has a sick parent, she’s only five, and you have the chance to show kindness and embrace the true spirit of Christmas. Instead, you’re choosing to be a hard-nose about it, and in so doing, making a lot of people’s lives bleaker at a time when you could be making them brighter and more hopeful.”

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.