Balancing your partner and your close friends can be really tricky sometimes – but one woman was left stumped when her friend complained she spent too much time with her husband…on her wedding day
Sometimes it can be tricky to give your partner and your friends the attention they both deserve. You don’t want to focus too much on one and upset the other, but often friends are happy to take a bit of a backseat whilst you explore your life as a couple – especially if you’re getting married to the person.
One woman took to Mumsnet to explain that her friend and husband have never seen eye to eye, but on her wedding day, things did not go as smoothly as she’d hoped. She claimed her friend arrived at their wedding ‘in a bad mood’ and was picking faults with the blushing bride.
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On the forum, she wrote: “My husband and one of my friends have never gotten on for reasons I won’t go into here as it’s too long and complicated to explain. In my opinion, they were both in the wrong.
“Our wedding was last month and in the planning stages, we had gone back and forth on whether to invite this particular friend. I was one of her bridesmaids so it felt very nasty to not invite her or just invite her to the evening for example but I wanted my husband to feel comfortable on the day.
“My husband insisted that we invite my friend to A) not make matters worse between them and B) as they are one of my closest friends they should be there and C) he felt sure that everyone could be civil as they had been at another recent event.
“Unfortunately on the day, my friend did not behave as I would have expected. They appeared in a bad mood, implied I wasn’t spending enough time with them and other members of her particular friend group (it was my wedding day! I was a little busy!), and worst of all they didn’t acknowledge my husband even when he was stood right next to me and my friend blanked my husband. I did not see the blanking incident but I acknowledge my friend was acting rudely the rest of the day.
“Since the wedding, my husband gets upset/uncomfortable whenever I go to see this friend as he feels I shouldn’t be interacting with someone who was so nasty to him and he views this as a betrayal.
“However, I have been friends with this friend for many many years and it would feel wrong to end the friendship. Also, they are linked to other friends and family so it would make it very difficult for me to partake in particular hobbies and would make things awkward with around 10 other friends and family. They also live very locally so it would be hard to avoid them.”
She then asked people to decide whether she should be loyal to her husband and cut ties with the friend, or whether her husband needs to accept the friendship is separate to her relationship with her husband.
Some people claimed that the friend wasn’t being very nice, and they wrote: “She’s not being a friend to you if she behaves the way she did at your wedding.”
Another agreed, writing: “If she behaved like that at your wedding, regardless of her feelings towards your husband, she’s not a good friend. Whatever she felt on your wedding day, a good friend understands that they should be making it a wonderful day for you.
“If she’s involved in family/friendship circles you can’t cut her off as it’ll cause wider issues, but I’d certainly back off.”
“Your friend sounds like a brat”, someone added.
Others took the husband’s side writing: “Your husband sounds like a gentleman. Your friend sounds like an absolute cow. I’d keep up the hobbies, but not make any effort to interact with her there or anywhere else.”
Another commented: “Your loyalty really should be with your husband on this, as she was clearly in the wrong at the wedding. You need to find a middle ground – back away from spending time one-to-one with her, but be civil in a wider group.”
What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.
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