‘My husband is texting another woman – he says she’s a pal but others say trust your gut’

The woman received mixed replies when she asked whether she was being unreasonable for her concerns over her husband constantly texting another woman – but some women gave her home truths

Marriages are built on love and trust, and if one of those things isn’t present, then it can be really difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with a significant other. But if your partner was constantly texting another woman, would you trust them, or be suspicious?

One woman took to Mumsnet to explain that her husband worked with a woman who he started to message privately ‘a lot’.

She thought it was a bit too ‘intense’, and when she confronted the situation, he was ‘angry’. He accused her of having trust issues, rather than making her feel better about it – which made her even more baffled, and led to people telling her to ‘trust her gut’.

She wrote: “I f eel awful with myself for feeling uncomfortable about partner’s female friend. He worked with a female of a similar age for almost a year and honestly all was fine, and she seemed nice.

“The group, including her have stayed in touch on a group thread and met up as a group which seemed good.

“Then I noticed that her and my partner would be texting privately a lot. Every time he had his phone in his hand there seemed to be a text from her so I questioned it in my mind as it was new. It’s totally normal that people text but it just suddenly seemed very full-on and intense. I don’t think it was daily without fail but most days.

“I don’t know what all the texts were but a few were her asking to meet up. Apparently every time she had a day off she’d be seeing if he was free.

“He then said she’d cheated on her boyfriend and alarm bells rang a bit. She has an Instagram profile with very revealing pictures which is totally up to her, but then I noticed my partner had liked a couple of pictures of her. Maybe it was just harmless but I wasn’t sure.

“So it was the change which I found odd. I felt terrible for thinking it as I’ve been with him a few years and he’s never cheated or done anything really inappropriate.

“Eventually, I told him I felt a bit uncomfortable about her. Sometimes we just get this feeling. Even if I trust him not to do anything I suppose I don’t really know her and started to find her a bit irritating and question her in my mind. I felt like rolling my eyes when her name came up.

“Anyway, my partner was pretty angry and accused me of not trusting him, said that I’ve got an issue just because he’s talking to a woman.

“About a year ago I got a bit insecure about another female as my partner had seemed pretty angry that she didn’t want to meet up with him, and also texted asking to meet then said he was really drunk when he did so I found it uncomfortable and confronted him.

“But he does work with a lot of women and they all go on nights out etc. He comes in very late and I’ve never questioned anything, he does his own thing.

“Anyway we’ve sorted it out now and I apologised for judging his friend, he said she’d like to meet me.

“I’ve been cheated on once before and I was also seeing a guy who had been pretending to be single. But I know we have to leave these things in the past. I do trust him not to do anything and I just felt uncomfortable with so much texting.

“Does it seem like I was being unreasonable? I do feel really ashamed now.”

In the comments, others were quick to tell the woman to ‘trust her gut’, and not ignore the feelings she had.

One wrote: “In my experience (sadly) where there’s smoke there’s almost certainly fire…my suspicions were proven true and I wish I’d have pushed the matter when I first had a tingle something was off!

“The correct reaction to a partner voicing their uncertainty about the possibility of infidelity is not anger, defensiveness, and gaslighting (we’re just friends it’s all in your head, etc) it’s reassurance and an effort to help settle your worries…

“Don’t get me wrong, not all suspicions are dead on but there is something needling your intuition and I’m a big believer in trusting your gut…”

Another suggested that the amount of texting and desire to meet other women was concerning, commenting: “His behaviour is suspicious. I would trust your instincts here. Why is he trying to meet up with other women? If my partner did that he would very quickly be my ex.”

One Mumsnetter suggested that it was more than natural to experience these feelings, explaining her own situation where her partner behaved appropriately. She said: “I think it’s reasonable to have the feelings- jealousy is a natural emotion after all and we all experience it- what matters is how you handle it and I think to be fair you’ve handled it by speaking to your partner reasonably about it instead of snooping through his phone or flying off the handle.

“I would meet her and see what your gut says about her when you do. You might find you really like her and it puts your mind at ease, or you might find your gut is still ringing alarm bells in which case your husband needs to listen to and acknowledge your feelings and be considerate of them too.

“I’m not an overly jealous person, my husband has a few really close female friends, and funnily enough the two he used to date I have the least problem with. There was another who was fine when she had a boyfriend but when she broke up with him she started to push the boundaries and overstep.

“My husband had enough sense to cut ties with her at that point without me needing to say a word. I always think if someone wants to cheat then they will do no point getting protective about your other half. If they do cheat then they’ve shown they weren’t worth your time anyways.”

Others thought the woman was wrong for making the post, however, writing: “You sound insecure”, and another agreed: “His behaviour isn’t an issue, yours is.”

Do you think the woman has done anything wrong? Let us know in the comments.