‘My in-laws are insinuating my daughter isn’t clever – they’re always slyly testing her’

One woman was left flummoxed after she caught her father-in-law asking her four-year-old daughter to ‘teach him the alphabet’ as a way to test whether she actually knew it

A woman was fuming and asked ‘Why are in-laws like this?!’ after she thought her in-laws were slyly trying to test her daughter to check her level of intelligence. She noted that she’s always being compared to another child that they both know, saying that she is very clever and has already been at school for over a year, despite the fact she’s only four.

She took to Mumsnet to explain her concerns and to express how upset she was at the comparisons between her daughter and the other child and was wondering whether it was just her in-laws who were like this.

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She took to the forum and wrote: “So I’m visiting my in-laws this week with my daughter who is about to turn four. I haven’t seen them in over two years as they were living abroad, now back.

“Anyway! My husband had to work so I went to visit them just the two of us. All fine until day two when father-in-law after a lovely walk at the playground – he didn’t come along! – starts saying to my daughter ‘come here and teach me the alphabet.’

“My daughter was tired and thirsty from the walk and so didn’t say anything. I then said to her to come and have a drink of water, some snacks and just to get her away from him.

“Later there was some comments about how their neighbours granddaughter is four and already been at school for a year or more. I tried to explain that must be daycare…children don’t start school until four.

“Anyway, the point I’m making is why do some people try to make a point of testing your child! By the way my daughter does know her alphabet, I’m not worried about her at all.

“I’m staying with them for a few days and I’m wondering if I should ask direct why the sudden interest in her knowing the alphabet!”

Some people suggested the mum may need to take a step back and not assume that the father-in-law was asking her daughter in a malicious way.

One user wrote: “I think he just wanted to spend some time with her and maybe sing the alphabet together.

“The whole school thing isn’t a big deal; they were just saying the child was already in school. I’m with you on the point that she probably isn’t, but it doesn’t really matter.

“I also think you should chill out a bit.”

Another understood what the stressed mum meant though, writing: “It’s really irritating. My neighbour used to do it. It feels like they are testing your parenting more than the child. Also, I wonder if they feel it’s what grandparents are supposed to do?”

One Mumsnet user suggested it was nice they were making an effort with her, commenting: “Just smile and say nothing. They mean well but the age difference will show very clearly, it’s lovely they want to have a relationship with you all. So many really don’t.”

Would you feel uncomfortable with this situation? Let us know in the comments.