‘My mum won’t buy Christmas presents for my foster child – I find it so cruel’

A mum has been left furious at her mother after she said she’ll only be buying presents for her two biological children this Christmas – and not her foster child

A woman who regularly fosters children alongside having two biological kids has been left outraged after her own mother said she wouldn’t be buying any Christmas presents for her current foster placement – as she doesn’t consider them family.

The mum explained that last Christmas, she and her husband – who are parents to Danny*, 10, and Clarissa*, six – were fostering a girl named Whitney* for six months, and while her husband’s family bought presents for all three children, her mum only showed up with gifts for Danny and Clarissa.

And this year, the couple are fostering an eight-year-old girl named Samantha* who will be with them over the Christmas period – and the woman’s mum has said she still won’t be buying any presents for her.

In a post on Reddit, she explained: “My husband and I have two children, ‘Danny’ and ‘Clarissa’. For two years now, we’ve fostered children, and our families have been supportive.

“Last Christmas, we had a long-term placement named ‘Whitney’. My husband’s family made sure to get her gifts if they were buying some for our bio children. Mine did the same, except for my mother. She got my kids really nice gifts, but Whitney got nothing. Whitney was a toddler so she didn’t notice, but it did rub me the wrong way.

“I talked with my mum and she said she didn’t think it’d matter as Whitney would be going home soon. I told her in the future, of course, gifts for our own kids aren’t expected, but if she buys for one, she has to buy for everyone.

“Whitney was reunited with her parents 2 months later, and shortly after, we got our next placement, ‘Samantha’. She’s 8 years old.

“My mum recently called me asking what ‘the kids wanted for Christmas’. She worded it just like that, not ‘what do Danny and Clarissa want’, just ‘the kids’. I mentioned an idea for each child, including Samantha. She then said, ‘But she’s going home soon’. I replied yes, but she will be with us through the holidays at the minimum, and she’s old enough to understand that the other kids are receiving gifts and she’s not.”

The woman then told her mum that if she isn’t going to bring presents for all three children, then she shouldn’t bring any at all, and claimed she would “send back” any gifts bought for Danny and Clarissa.

She insisted her two biological children aren’t expecting presents, so she would rather have none of them receive gifts so that Samantha isn’t excluded.

She added: “My mum kept arguing and finally, I said I won’t accept gifts for Danny and Clarissa. If she shows up with just gifts for them, then they’ll be sent back. My mum told me I’m being spiteful. I said I can’t control her buying gifts for Samantha, but she won’t exclude her.

“My kids are not the type to expect gifts, so I know they won’t even be fazed by this. This also isn’t an issue of money on my mum’s end. She admits she could afford to buy Samantha something. My husband is backing me up but some of my relatives aren’t.”

Commenters on the post were firmly on the woman’s side, with many of them saying it was cruel of her mother to refuse to buy even a small present for Samantha.

One person said: “If you can’t treat foster children the same as your own when it comes to holiday gifts, then I agree, no gifts at all. These kids have been traumatised enough and don’t need to feel more exclusion in their lives.”

While another added: “As a foster parent, your foster kids are your de facto children. They should get equal treatment from family as if they were your own flesh and blood.”

And a third wrote: “Children in foster care have experienced so much upheaval in their lives and it’s certainly not asking too much that people include them in the holiday.

“It doesn’t have to be expensive or grand but just giving them something that they can keep for themselves whenever they move on (either reunification or adoption) means the world to them. A little kindness goes a long way.”

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

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