‘My sister-in-law is purposefully excluding me – I’m trying so hard to like her’

The woman felt as though her sister-in-law was purposefully excluding her when she didn’t mention her by name in a thank you text to her brother – but she’d been hospitable during her visit

Getting on with your partner’s family is really important for many people – you’re potentially going to be seeing them now and again for the rest of your life. So, what would you do if you felt like they were purposefully trying to exclude you and make you feel pushed out?

That’s what happened to one Mumsnet user who was wondering whether she was being ‘over-sensitive’ or whether her sister-in-law was actually trying to leave her out on purpose in a text exchange that specifically didn’t mention the concerned woman, and she wanted to see whether others thought the situation was a bit fishy too.

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She wrote: “I never really had good vibes from my sister-in-law. She’s a very strong, dominant personality and is often falling out with friends and family and having petty dramas and being angry with people. Anyway, I’ve always tried to get on with her…really hard!

“They’ve been visiting this week and I tried my best to be really welcoming and friendly etc. She texted my husband on the way home saying she so hopes he can come over at Christmas (we live abroad) and that their mum would be so excited to see him and our daughter, then she mentions how she had a great time with him and our daughter’s name and how her daughter is a bit quiet now as a teen but loves him and our daughter…literally no inclusion of me whatsoever, no mention of me…

“It just feels a bit gutting after trying my best, cooking for them etc, and spending almost the whole week with them on our hols…am I being too sensitive and reading too much into it, or is she really being a b****? She has form for it.”

Mumsnetters were quick to point out that it didn’t seem like the original poster had done anything wrong, so her sister-in-law seemed as though she was being mean.

One wrote: “I’d say she’s deliberately excluding you, yes. Nasty. I wouldn’t be making much effort with her in the future.”

Another agreed, commenting: “Yes, insensitive at best, deliberate at worst. Don’t make so much effort next time.”

Someone suggested raising it with her, writing: “Don’t take the bait and raise it with her and don’t make an effort in future.

“She doesn’t want to be close to you and from what you have described you’re better off that way.”

Others were more extreme, with one user saying the sister-in-law wouldn’t be welcome again.

“I’d be making clear to my husband that unless he calls his sister out on her behaviour, she won’t be invited to your house again and he can see her elsewhere”, they fumed.

Another agreed when they said: “I wouldn’t have her over again. She hasn’t acknowledged your hospitality at all.”

Some users stuck up for the woman though, acknowledging that the text exchange happened between the husband and his sister.

They wrote: “It is not ideal, but she was texting her brother. So saying she loved seeing him and his children. If it was a card addressed to your family or something like this, but it was addressed to him, for him only to read.

“I would not read anything else into that part. She could say that she loved spending time with you and your children if she was texting you, instead of him.”

Would you take this personally? Let us know in the comments.