‘My wife wants to change our four-year-old’s name but I think it is too late’

Two parents have found themselves in an uncomfortable position after one of them suggested they should change their daughter’s name but the other feared it would not be the best thing for the youngster

It’s not rare for parents to change their little one’s name, even if it is not the most common practice, and there’s all sorts of reasons why a family may choose to make the swap. Regardless of the reason though, it’s important that the decision is made in the best interests of the child.

Unfortunately, two parents have been left struggling to agree as to what’s the right thing to do for their daughter.

On the one hand, the mum wants to change the little girl’s name, so she can share her mum’s maiden name and the same middle name as her younger brother. However, her dad fears it is ‘too late’ for a major change.

As he explained in a post to Reddit, where he hoped to find advice, the dad does not want to go back on a decision the couple made together. The couple named their firstborn Violet Robin Smith, giving the youngster her father’s surname. They’ve also recently welcomed a baby boy, Mitchell Agassi Smith, who they gave his mother’s maiden name as a middle name.

Now, the mum wants to change Violet’s middle name to Agassi too. “Since my son was born in the summer, my wife has been vocal about wanting to change our daughter’s middle name to her maiden name,” the father wrote. “Saying things like it’s been eating her up for years and it’s one of the ‘biggest regrets of her life'”.

He explained that she mentioned the idea ‘in passing years ago’ but that he ‘never paid a ton of attention to it’. “I thought it was a passing feeling and she’d get used to it over time. I mean, we did pick it out together! It wasn’t under duress or anything,” he added.

However, his wife has evidently changed her mind. “She feels that our daughter won’t have anything of hers in terms of her name. My wife’s middle name is her mother’s maiden name as well,” he wrote.

But while the father agrees with his partner, he does not think they should get rid of their daughter’s current middle name for several reasons. “She knows her name and it’s her name,” the author began.

“When we though of it, I liked it because I originally wanted to name my daughter after a bird and ‘Robin’ has all of the first initials of her grandparents in it,” he added. “I told my wife that I am completely fine with her having two middle names, so that it’s changed to Violet Robin Agassi Smith, but she is vehemently against it, saying it will be hard for her on paperwork and in life in general.”

As a result, the couple have struggled to come to an agreement, causing them both upset. So, the dad asked Reddit to help shed some ‘perspective’ on the issue.

In response, commenters were quick to share sympathy for the parents and share their own relevant experiences. One reply read: “Both parents’ names need to be represented. The alternative is double-barrelling the surnames for both children.”

Praising the two-name approach, another person said: “Yeah I have two middle names and I’m giving my baby two middle names. I love having two and it comes up as an issue only very very rarely.” Meanwhile, a third responder said: “You are trying to find the ‘right’ answer. There is no right answer here, only a kind and caring process.”

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