‘My wife wants to name our son after her late best friend – it makes me uncomfortable’

A dad-to-be says he isn’t happy about his wife secretly naming their baby son after her late best friend, who sadly passed away some years before the couple met

A dad-to-be isn’t sure what to do after realising his wife wanted to name their baby son after a close friend of hers who died some years ago after battling with drug addiction. The expectant parents have been together for four years and married for two. They grew up some distance away from each other, and so aren’t all that familiar with one another’s childhood friends and extended family members.

His wife, whose name is Kate, sadly lost her best friend Pete around three years before they first met, however, she’s never before spoken about him, having previously found her loss too difficult to discuss. When they decided on ‘Pete’ for a middle name, the husband hadn’t even known the name had a tragic connection to Kate’s past.

Taking to Reddit, where he goes by the username u/betweinen, the concerned husband wrote: “Long story short we were finalising baby name ideas and decided on (first name) ‘Pete’ (last name). I was content until we mentioned the name around her mum and she mentioned how ‘beautiful’ it was and how it was a kind way to honor ‘Pete’.

“I’m awkward in person so I waited until we were alone to ask Kate what her mum meant. Turns out Pete was Kate’s best friend from grade school on up. Unfortunately, Pete got addicted to hard drugs and passed away about three years before I met Kate. Her excuse for not telling me was it’s hard to talk about him.”

He added: “While I understand the sentiment I don’t want my son carrying the name of not only someone my wife lost but also an addict. I’ve suggested other names we both considered in the past but Kate refuses to budge. I just don’t get why she wants to be reminded of something so horrible every time she calls our son’s name.”

Offering some words of wisdom on the matter, one fellow Reddit user advised: “Your wife deliberately withheld why she liked this name so much. It’s understandable that you are not best pleased with it. Your wife sounds like she needs to talk to someone about this, and [I would suggest] couples counselling so you two can discuss your communication, in particular, couldn’t hurt either.”

Another commented: “Addiction is a disease and dismissing someone’s life because they died an addict is callous. Your wife doesn’t want to remember Pete’s addiction and death – she wants to honour who he was aside from that. You need to check your attitude about addiction, my dude.

“However – you do need to agree on a name. This is the name of someone who clearly meant a lot to your wife, and she only wants to use it as a middle name, so think carefully about vetoing it. But ultimately you must agree. But mainly, have some compassion for people who struggle with substance abuse. That could be any one of us.”

Do you have a name-related story to share? Email us at [email protected]