Selena Gomez’s 2022 Apple TV+ documentary, My Mind and Me, almost didn’t get made.
The Only Murders in the Building star, 31, opened up about the project while at the Universal Music Group and Thrive Global’s Music & Health Conference on Tuesday, September 19.
“I was very against it,” she said of the film, which highlighted her struggles with mental illness, lupus, and bipolar disorder over a period of six years.
“There was a very long period of time where I just didn’t know if it was a good idea. I knew, eventually, one day I wanted to maybe just be an actress for a while, and I didn’t know if it would jeopardize things in my life,” Selena added. “I don’t know what I’m doing, letting people into my life.”
Luckily, Selena was “relieved” when the film finally hit the streaming service. “I felt like a huge weight was lifted,” she explained.
“I felt like I got to say things that I’ve been keeping in for years,” the Wizards of Waverly Place alum added. “It’s very hard for me to watch. I will never watch it again, but I’m very proud of it.”
The multi-hyphenate went on to acknowledge that, in the midst of her health struggles, she’s tried to focus on others, taking on the “big responsibility” of helping fans cope with challenges in their own lives.
“It can be a little heavy,” Selena said. “I feel for people, and I think that’s what kind of keeps me in check, to be honest. I think I can be a little reckless with my emotions and having conversations with young people, women who are going through divorces or going through chemo — it’s not just about me, and I’m fully aware of that. I will just always cherish it. It’s a big responsibility, though. It’s a little scary.”
My Mind and Me covered some of the more difficult moments in the star’s health journey, including her mental breakdown in 2016 and her October 2018 hospitalization. Close friend Raquelle Stevens revealed in the film that Selena was struggling with her mental health and “hearing all of these voices” that “triggered some sort of psychotic break.”
Selena also talked about her dissatisfaction with her early career, saying that she wanted to be known for her own music and not just her association with her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber.
“[Chairman of Interscope Records John Janick] called me this morning about the song with Justin,” Selena said in one scene. “I’m like, when am I going to just be good enough by myself? When am I going to be good enough — just me by myself, not needing anybody to be associated with?”
Also in the documentary, Selena talked about her on-again, off-again relationship with Justin, who is now married to Hailey Bieber (née Baldwin).
“Everything was so public,” she said. “I feel haunted by a past relationship that no one wanted to let go of, but then I just moved past it.”