- Some jokes really do have a grain of truth in them.
An expensive, fancy ride has stood as a sign of masculinity for ages. But it’s just as common to hear somebody snicker when a guy climbs out of a big sports car. Is he compensating for something?
Well… Yes. Yes, he is.
At least, that’s what a new study suggests. A group of psychologists decided to find out once and for all whether the age-old jokes of men who drive sports cars and their packages are accurate.
According to their results, they are. The study discovered that men who are insecure about the size of the little guy downstairs are more likely to consider sports cars as desirable purchases.
It then follows that a man with a small penis is more likely to buy an expensive car than a guy with an anaconda down his pants. Ergo, a sports car owner is likely to have a smaller-than-average penis.
The study also found that thinking your length is inadequate doesn’t trigger a general desire to own expensive luxury goods. For some reason, small-wanged men want big cars and big cars only.
Just what is it about a Lambo that causes that reaction?
A Poorly Understood Subject
The study, published in January 2023, was carried out by psychologists from the Department of Experimental Psychology at the University College London. Led by professor Daniel C. Richardson, the team was curious whether men with big cars were, in fact, compensating.
They note that the subject has been studied before and that previous studies showed a possible link. However, there was an issue of reliability — unless the researchers actually measured each subject’s manhood at full mast, they couldn’t rely on the penis length they reported.
“Finding the truth to this connection is challenging. Self-reported penis size is notoriously unreliable, and even an objective study of penis size and sports car ownership would also be limited to correlational evidence,” the psychologists write.
So, they had an idea. Maybe a man doesn’t actually need to have a small penis to want a fancy car.
Could it be that he just needs to think that his equipment is lacking?
The Smaller the Penis, the Bigger the Car
To test their theory, the research team studied 200 men aged between 18 and 74. After they had their sample group, they started lying to the guys.
The scientists told some men that the average erect penis is seven inches in length. The others, meanwhile, were told that a bog-standard dong stands at four inches at attention.
For the record, the actual average penis length for a man is a bit above five inches.
After telling them this, the researchers showed the men pictures of various luxury products and asked them to indicate how desirable they found the objects. Among them were photos of high-end sports vehicles.
The team distorted the truth in order to manipulate the test subjects’ self-esteem. According to their theory, the men who were told the average penis is bigger than it actually is would begin to feel inadequate and want to purchase a sports car.
It turns out that they were right.
“Men who thought that they had a relatively small penis rated the sports cars higher,” the researchers write.
And there it is. If a guy believes his dong is lacking, he’s more likely to own a sports car.
But wait, there’s more. The researchers also found that the sports car/penis effect gets stronger the older the man is. Conversely, if the man thinks he’s well-equipped, he doesn’t start craving a fancy ride as he ages.
All About Cars and Dongs
So, there was a correlation. However, maybe it wasn’t about penises at all. Could it be that as long as a guy feels somehow inadequate, he’ll want the ego boost that a sports car can bring?
The research team also tested for this. And the results show it’s just about cars and penises.
The team also showed different groups of men distorted information about the average income, muscle mass, and other facts that might affect their self-esteem. Yet, only penis envy caused men to desire a sports car.
Making little money or not being built like Adonis didn’t make them want a fancier set of wheels.
A Question of Validity
Although the results seem to indicate that sports car drivers are more likely to have sub-standard penises, you shouldn’t take the results too seriously. At least, not yet.
The study has not yet been peer-reviewed, meaning it hasn’t passed scientific scrutiny regarding its methods and sample size. It could be that the wider scientific community will say the methods used to find this information aren’t up to snuff.
Even the researchers clearly state that they don’t have all the answers to make a solid claim that a small penis definitely makes a dude buy a big car.
“Why cars and why penises? These results raise intriguing questions for future research,” they write.
“Does penis size affect only ratings for sports cars, or other highly prized items as well? Does penis size have a connection to male self-esteem that is just much stronger than the other factors we manipulated in this experiment?”
The scientists also have no illusion about men agreeing with their results, even if they were generally accepted as valid.
“The luxury automotive industry may be unwilling to acknowledge this link,” they note.
It’s easy to see why. “Cars for men with tiny d***s” doesn’t make for a great marketing slogan.
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