Wife fumes after husband lays out conditions for allowing mum to stay at Christmas

A married couple say they’ve found themselves at odds after the woman’s mother announced she wanted to come to stay with them over the Christmas season. Now her husband has laid out some conditions

A man who says his mother-in-law’s precarious living situation has already caused a strain on his marriage has some reservations about her coming to stay this Christmas – and has set out some conditions. According to this fed-up husband, his mother-in-law is currently in the process of separating from her husband, and so has been ‘bouncing around from family member to family member’ for the past six months.

For approximately two of those six months, she’d stayed with the couple, with that time spread out over three separate visits. This caused them a fair bit of stress, especially given that the husband just doesn’t feel comfortable with extra people in his living space.

Taking to Reddit for advice, the man explained that his wife has particular sympathy for her mother as, prior to the break-up, she’d been completely dependent on her spouse and so doesn’t have a job or a home to call her own.

The husband – who goes by the username u/termsandcondition20 – explained that their original plan was to spend Christmas Eve with his wife’s family at her aunt’s house. Then they intended to return home and spend Christmas Day at home ‘as a family’, just them and their two children.

Now their plans have been shaken up a bit after his mother-in-law asked if she could go back home with them after the Christmas Eve gathering to spend some quality time together over the festive period. This has created some tension within the marriage.

The husband wrote: “I told my wife that spending Christmas Day at home as a family, alone, was her idea and we agreed on it together, but she said she doesn’t want her mum to be alone on Christmas. I told her that her mum was planning on staying at the aunt’s place, but is only now wanting to come home with us.

“It started to turn into an argument about my mother-in-law needing to get her life figured out. My wife told me to stop fighting about that because that part isn’t important and she just wants her mum to feel like she’s still part of a family during Christmas.

“So, I eventually relented and said that my mother-in-law can come with us for Christmas, but I have conditions. I said that she can come home with us if she agrees to watch our two kids for New Year’s weekend so that my wife and I can go do something fun with some friends, or alone if we want to. Get a hotel or AirBnB, who knows.”

Unfortunately, his wife did not take kindly to this idea, telling him that her mum ‘is not a free babysitter and that we can’t expect her to just watch our kids for us whenever we want’.

He continued: “I told her that if her mum isn’t a babysitter, then we aren’t a hotel and if she’s going to keep going from house to house being dependent on people, she’s going to have to pull her weight if it’s going to be our house she’s staying in.

“My wife said she won’t ask her mum to babysit our kids for free for an entire weekend so I said in that case, she and my mother-in-law can stay home with the kids and I will find something fun I want to do for New Year’s weekend by myself.”

His wife has now blasted him as ‘selfish’, and he’s now come to wonder whether he may have taken things too far, particularly when considering his mother-in-law’s current difficult predicament.

One person queried: “Why couldn’t you just ask your mother-in-law to babysit? Why make it conditional? Your wife’s elderly mum is going through a really scary and lonely time right now, and you are showing no compassion whatsoever. I hope that you don’t treat all of your relationships this transactionally.”

Another wrote: “Why are there so many precise agreements that must be upheld? If you need a babysitter, pay for one if she doesn’t agree when asked, at least you asked. Having grandma over for Christmas is a memory that the kids will have forever, although it’s severely inconvenient for you.

“Thinking from the mother-in-law’s point of view, she’s most likely depressed, in shock from the sudden change in her life. I guarantee she’s not enjoying using family for a place to stay. Doesn’t compassion and Christmas go hand in hand?”

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