Cafe under fire for ‘controlling’ list of rules for customers – including no spoons

The food establishment bans patrons from asking for more coffee if they’ve let theirs go cold and insists that customers can use a fork to stir their drink if they don’t have a spoon on the table

Whether you’re treating yourself to a hearty cafe breakfast or a fancy restaurant dinner, going out for food involves a certain level of unspoken etiquette from both customers and staff to ensure the experience runs smoothly. There’s nothing worse than an unnecessarily rude patron who embarrasses the whole table with their blustery complaints. On the other hand, poor service can ruin a meal if your food is served cold, the incorrect dish arrives or you’re simply not happy with the taste.

What we don’t often expect, however, is a strict set of rules to follow as customers, even in the finest of establishments. Far from requesting people follow a dress code or declare any allergies at the table, one American cafe has a long reel of niche demands for patrons looking to dine at their watering hole.

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The Cateye Cafe, based in Montana, US, gives customers a whopping 19 rules to follow during their visit, including “saving room for dessert” and ordering all of your condiments as soon as your food arrives.

One patron was so flabbergasted at the rules that they posted an image of them on Reddit, only to find hundreds of commenters questioning whether these demands were genuine or tongue in cheek.

Titled ‘The Way of the Cateye’, the laminated page details a range of strict criteria written in a hilariously sarcastic tone.

One rule says: “No Camping if campground (restaurant) is full. Lots of hungry folks to feed. Don’t be surprised if you are asked to leave after you have eaten if we have a line”.

While another cryptically explains: “We will gladly substitute nothing for anything, or we might substitute something for something, but we will never substitute something for nothing (no guarantees, ever)”.

When it comes down to specific food requests, the cafe is very adamant on the one breakfast option they just won’t cook. The rules bluntly say: “We don’t and won’t poach your eggs”.

To keep things running smoothly, the cafe owners seem to be very hot on ensuring customers ask for their condiments in a timely manner, as the list reads: “Order all your condiments: salsa, cream, honey, ketchup, etc. when you order the rest of your stuff. All at once, that’s the idea”.

Coffee drinkers will be particularly watched over, as the food establishment will refuse to refill someone’s cup if it’s gone cold if customers have been ‘yakking for too long’.

You’ll also need to get creative with stirring your cup of Joe, as per the Cateye criteria: “If you have a fork then you don’t need a spoon to stir your coffee”.

Many Reddit users fled to the comments to share their disgust at the ‘controlling’ rules, but others remain unconvinced that the demands are serious at all.

One person said: “Even the rules that are understandable (for example, it’s not reasonable to expect to add something to a meal without paying for it (in reference to their we won’t substitute something for nothing)) [sic] is written in such an obnoxious way”.

Another commented in agreement: “I agree, some of the rules are reasonable but the general vibe comes off as very controlling”.

While most people could appreciate the humorous tone of the cafe’s criteria, the demands still left a bitter taste in some people’s mouths, with one sharing: “Yeah, I’d pass, trying to be funny, but just not clever. It comes across poorly. The rules I can respect, just not the presentation”.

Others suggested that the set of rules was simply a gimmick or marketing ploy, with one Reddit user creating a pun to explain their thoughts on the situation: “I think they’re being intentionally catty”.

One eagle-eyed commenter looked up the cafe’s menu and pointed out “Good lord, there are more rules than menu items!”.

The Mirror reached out to The Cateye Cafe for comment.

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