Funniest Christmas cracker jokes of all time that are guaranteed to make you cringe

A list of the worst cracker jokes ever told has now been unveiled and contains enough stilton-level cheesiness to keep you cringing from now until New Year’s Day

Although they may well elicit more groans than laughter at times, Christmas cracker jokes are as much a staple of the big day as turkey and tinsel, and – like sprouts – just have to be done. Of course, as much as we might wince, true Christmas fans don’t actually expect sparkling wit from their crackers, with the corniness only adding to the fun. Indeed, the cringier and more pun-filled the cracker jokes the better.

With this in mind, Greetings card company thortful.com has now shared the ‘Ultimate Christmas Cracker Jokes Index’, revealing the top ten worst cracker jokes of all time.

The top 10 worst-ever Christmas cracker jokes are as follows:

1. Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

2. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis.

3. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles.

4. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head.

5. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.

6. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

7. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper.

8. What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp, and even.

9. What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You are so last season.

10. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.

Richard Wiseman, a psychology professor at the University of Hertfordshire, previously told the Daily Express that Christmas cracker jokes have become so deeply entrenched in our festive traditions on account of being so terrible.

Wiseman explained: “I think they’re really interesting from a social psychological perspective. One of the key questions is, why aren’t they better?

“What is going on that we all want to tell each other these terrible jokes? There’s nothing embarrassing going on socially, I think they’re actually rather clever.”

He added: “What they’re doing is about a group experience. We’re all going, ‘oh my goodness, that’s terrible,’ but it’s not putting any pressure on the person whose job it is to tell the joke.”

You can check out the full index of Christmas cracker jokes on the Thortful website, where you can cast your own vote.

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