‘I want to cancel Christmas plans to keep my son in his routine – it’s too disruptive’

A stressed parent has divided fellow mums and dads online after asking if she would be unreasonable to cancel some of the plans her family made for Christmas, as she wants to try and keep her son in his routine

When it comes to Christmas, there always seems to be lots of rushing about – whether you’re dashing out to buy last-minute gifts for loved ones or trying to fit in all sorts of visits with your nearest and dearest.

And when you add little ones to the mix everything can become a little more stressful.

One mum has caused a stir online after admitting that she wants to cancel some of the plans she’s made for Christmas as she is worried about her son’s sleep routine.

The unnamed parent turned to the internet for some advice, asking if she’d be unreasonable to change plans to sleep at her mother-in-law’s home and instead only stay for the afternoon.

Taking to Mumsnet, she explained that her 20-month-old son recently stayed with her parents and was an “absolute nightmare” as he struggles with new environments and changes to his routine.

Due to a number of factors, including these struggles, the parent says she is currently waiting for an autism assessment for the little boy and this has only added to her stress.

After this most recent experience, she decided she no longer wants to “change his routine or stay out overnight anymore” so she’s wondering if she can get away with cancelling plans.

The mum wrote: “Our plans were to go to the in-laws on Christmas Day and stay overnight but due to him being able to climb out the travel cot and far too young and excitable to sleep in the bed, I want to change our plans to just an afternoon visit (maybe for dinner?) between his afternoon nap and bedtime so as not to cause any more disruptions to his routine.

“Am I being unreasonable? I feel like my in-laws will be disappointed and my partner will likely sulk, but my main excitement for Christmas is to see my little boy happy and excited and I just think that overtiredness and overstimulation could ruin that for him.

“Also on a selfish level, it would be me that would have to battle with him for hours to nap and sleep at bedtime whilst everyone else drinks!”

Hundreds of people responded to the post, with many divided over it – some proclaimed that it was just “one day” and the mum should “suck it up” while others were much more sympathetic over the stresses, urging her to get help from her husband.

One person replied: “You are being unreasonable – It’s one day. Get on with it.”

A second agreed, adding: “You just get on with it. My in-laws lived 2.5 hours away so not staying over wasn’t an option. I’m sorry, but it’s everyone else’s Christmas as well as your toddler’s. Keep him up until he crashes, let him sleep for as long as he needs in the morning. Our kids soon adapted to all this. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it was hard. But you don’t go changing everyone’s Christmas plans because of a toddler’s routine. It’s what parenting at this age is. Sometimes it’s a pain, but you and your husband need to tag team and be flexible.”

Another said: “Your in-laws probably won’t believe how sleepless your son is unless they experience it themselves. So they’ll think you’re being unreasonable, even if you’re right. For that reason, I might suck it up for one night and start your strict routine after Christmas. But I’ve said you’re not being unreasonable because I think you’re right there is definitely a less stressful Christmas option than battling with him all night.”

A fourth added: “You are not being unreasonable. I think most people who are saying you are don’t have a toddler who’s a bad sleeper and thrives from routine. It’s easy to say it’s just one day but in my experience, it can throw off everything for a week or so. It’s not like you’re suggesting not going – I don’t think it should be an issue. It’s easy for your husband and in-laws to sulk- but they’re not the stay-at-home parent who has to deal with the consequences.”

Someone else posted: “You know your family and what’s best for them…especially if you suspect additional needs. Trust your gut feeling.”

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.