‘My mother-in-law is ignoring my allergies – I feel like it’s purposeful now’

A woman was left horrified after realising that her mother-in-law was completely disregarding her dietary requirements, wondering whether she was doing it intentionally

When you’re visiting a family member’s house, you’d expect your dietary requirements to be catered for – especially if you’re avoiding foods because you’re breastfeeding a baby with allergies.

A woman took to Mumsnet to explain that her mother-in-law seemed to be ignoring her dietary requirements which are ‘dairy, soy, and egg-free’, as she’d cooked lasagna for the family. The original poster overlooked this meal, putting it down to forgetfulness, but was gutted when the day after the lunch option was packed with dairy.

She fumed: “We’re staying with the in-laws for a couple of nights (no longer thank god), and I am dairy/soy/egg-free (breastfeeding my little one who is allergic). We arrived last night to a lasagna.

“My mother-in-law had already told me she’d made it, so I brought my own dinner. Today we’ve been presented with pizza and buttered rolls for lunch (every one had been buttered so none left for me).

“Not once has she checked what I can eat, asked what I’m having, or apologised that I can’t eat what she’s cooked. Thank god we stopped at the supermarket on the way, because otherwise there would be literally no food for me (and they live in the middle of b***** nowhere so no popping out to the local shops).

“She knows about the allergies, it’s not a new thing, and we’ve stayed before (plus I texted a few days ago with a gentle reminder).

“Am I being unreasonable to think she’s doing it deliberately? I’ve been gritting my teeth and sorting myself out, but lunch felt like a bad joke – would you say something?”

Others did believe that it seemed deliberate, especially because the original poster had given a gentle reminder prior to the visit. The original poster also said her and her mother-in-law have a ‘shaky relationship’.

One commenter wrote: “Of course it’s deliberate. I would refuse to go there.”

Another said: “So sorry to hear that…Not in the same thread at all but every time I go for dinner I’m presented with the one vegetable I don’t eat – have said it countless times as has my husband and yet it’s still there. We honestly don’t know if its on purpose or not but I know if it was me, if there was one thing I knew this person didn’t eat I would remember after years.

“In your case I think I’d be saying or having your husband say ‘you know x can’t eat this right? Is there anything she can have?’ and leave it hanging.

“Definitely get your husband involved especially when you’re breastfeeding and need all the nutrients you can get!”

“Doesn’t bode well for her catering for your child in the future either does it?”, someone fumed.

Another Mumsnetter explained a horrible situation she’d endured, writing: “I have a child with a severe allergy and family members who didn’t believe in the existence of the allergy. They cooked with the allergen and didn’t tell me, that ended in a 999 call and a trip to hospital, we haven’t eaten there since.

“Maintaining a relationship or not unless she takes these allergies seriously I’d be putting my foot down and refusing to eat there again. A child’s wellbeing is at risk, and as dramatic as that sounds you need to get that message across.”

What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.