Woman discovers partner is lying after chat with his son – but she gets blamed

A woman was left gutted after catching her partner in a lie after speaking to his adult son – but he gave all the blame to her, saying she shouldn’t have mentioned a conversation they had in confidence

Telling the truth when you’re in a relationship is one of the most fundamental things you can do. Without truth in a partnership, everything else is pointless. Finding out your significant has lied to you is really difficult, no matter what it is they’ve lied about – but what would you do if you found out through their adult child? You’d probably feel humiliated.

A woman took to Mumsnet to express that she thought her partner may break up with her because of his lies unravelling. She’d been with him for three years, but she was worried as he ‘seemed so annoyed’.

She wrote: “I have a partner of three years, whom I love very much. He lives mostly with me and my son and has given notice on his rental property that he’ll be moving out from in March (his landlord hasn’t found tenants- friends with them so know this- which leaves it open to changing if things went that way).

“My partner and I had a lovely Christmas, however, we met up with his (adult) children, which in general was lovely, but I had a conversation with one of his children which made me uncomfortable. I brought it up tonight and he’s really annoyed at me, saying I should’ve kept it private/in confidence.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but it was concerning him and it was different to what he’d told me, hence I brought it up. The whole conversation was less than a minute long and now he’s really annoyed at me, as I said for ‘breaking their trust’ by telling him. I don’t tell him most conversations I have with his children, however, I did this specific one as it directly contradicted something he told me.

“He’s really annoyed that I’d tell him anything they told me in a private conversation. I have anxiety, so I catastrophise everything in my mind, but I’m worried he’s going to break up with me over this. We’re meant to have a weekend away tomorrow and I’m now worried he’ll be so annoyed, that it won’t go ahead.

“I’ve apologised to no avail. He’s really annoyed/upset. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that he might be considering breaking up? He seems so annoyed, I’m panicking so much as I understand that it was a private conversation and maybe I have f**** up massively? The reason I brought it up at all was that I didn’t even understand why they brought it up, it seemed very random.”

People tried to reassure the woman that he wasn’t going to break up with her, and if that was his plan, he would’ve done it already.

One wrote: “It sounds like he’s trying to deflect from him lying and being wrong. I don’t think he’ll end the relationship though – he would have done it by now.”

Others recommended the relationship needed to end, stating it didn’t seem too healthy. Another said: “I think you need to end this relationship. He’s using your anxiety to set up an abusive dynamic where he turns his bad behaviour onto you. In a healthy relationship, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Someone else wrote: “So, he lied to you about something, his adult child has let slip the truth and he’s angry because you now know the truth and is deflecting from the lie and blaming you for anything rather than discussing the truth?”

Some asked for clarification on what had happened, commenting: “So he lied, has been caught out and is now deflecting and giving you the sulks so you tip-toe around apologising even though he was lying?”

“He’s a gaslighting c***”, one fumed.

What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.